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Trying to move on

Laura

Throughout high school I really struggled with bullying. Having friends then losing friends and not knowing why. Having mean rumours spread about me and all the embarrassing things that come with that.

I’ve left school and now am happy at my college. But the thing is I lie awake just thinking about it all. Reflecting on how I could’ve done something differently.

part of me is scared I’ll never be able to move on from the bullying. Part of me thinks what if this is all I’ll think about forever?

if anyone has had a similar experience and can give some well needed advice I’d really appreciate it.

Parents

  • I grew up with a sibling who was the school bully, and at home they were no different. I lived with the bully 24 /7 from childhood until adulthood. I was physically and mentally abused, and that is the "nicest way" I can write it down, the other option being to erase everything I wrote and just not talk about it at all. I've had rumors spread about me within the family. It's not fun. 

    When I was a child, I would ruminate on what I could have done differently for hours, days, weeks, etc. and the ruminations lasted for years. I think it's mainly because when I was being bullied, I either thought too slowly and let the bully dominate, or I just didn't say or do what I wanted during the time because of fear, and I emded to having regrets, that I "should have" said or done this or that to the bully, but I didn't.

    I started ruminating less when my thoughts and actions started to align, and I did and said what was thought and felt was right for me, despite that it might have negative consequences or reactions from other people, but those are consequences I was willing to take,  if it meant that I was doing the right thing for myself. 

    If I managed to move on,  even after decades of living with the school bully, then I think that other people can figure something out.

Reply

  • I grew up with a sibling who was the school bully, and at home they were no different. I lived with the bully 24 /7 from childhood until adulthood. I was physically and mentally abused, and that is the "nicest way" I can write it down, the other option being to erase everything I wrote and just not talk about it at all. I've had rumors spread about me within the family. It's not fun. 

    When I was a child, I would ruminate on what I could have done differently for hours, days, weeks, etc. and the ruminations lasted for years. I think it's mainly because when I was being bullied, I either thought too slowly and let the bully dominate, or I just didn't say or do what I wanted during the time because of fear, and I emded to having regrets, that I "should have" said or done this or that to the bully, but I didn't.

    I started ruminating less when my thoughts and actions started to align, and I did and said what was thought and felt was right for me, despite that it might have negative consequences or reactions from other people, but those are consequences I was willing to take,  if it meant that I was doing the right thing for myself. 

    If I managed to move on,  even after decades of living with the school bully, then I think that other people can figure something out.

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