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MOMENTS OF PRESSURE AND CONTAINING HEAD

RBH52

I am 52 years of age and was diagnosed with Autism on 2nd Oct 2023.  I always knew I was different, so it did not come as a surprise.  I did post  some history, but wanted to get the views and if anyone has the same episodes at all.

At times I feel like my head is going to give off steam like a kettle.  I feel that I have to concentrate  in order for my head not to explode and I have to calm down and focus, otherwise I would just scream in frustration.  As I am writing this I am squinting my eyes to keep in focus and will probably go for a walk or something.  I guess you could say I am constantly overwhelmed by information, thinking, doing etc. but most of the time I try to hold it down.

I was wondering if anyone has the same feelings etc.

  • I describe it as my head feels like a car crash 

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I hadn't seen this before and I think it's a graphic illustration I can definitely use to help explain to people.  Also I just wrote this using the picture as a prompt:

    Neuron receptors explode in my brain
    At social interactions
    And innocent questions that leave me non plussed
    Whilst I contend with my exterior appearance
    Lest I give away an unintended sign
    Of confusion or fear
    I'm channelling swan
    Gliding seamlessly through this conversation
    Whilst paddling furiously underneath
    If I make eye contact
    Will you see the reflection of fireworks
    Sparks and ignitions
    Rippling across my cortex
    Will you understand the complexities
    Being dealt with
    Will you be overwhelmed like I am
    Or will you just see the test card
    I placed there to be safe.

  • https://www.jeunesepayne.com/post/a-thought-experiment-what-if-autism-was-the-norm

    You may have previously seen the above image online, they are high definition 3D brain scans. The left one shows an autistic brain social functioning and the right one a non autistic brain social functioning.

    With all those extra neurons firing it's surprising that our heads don't actually explode Open mouth

  • Hadn't got to this thread but I literally just wrote a reply on another thread saying at times I feel like my head is going to explode!

  • in reply to GPK26

    I am the same; I rarely ask for help from anyone, not even my wife, even my kids, who are now in their 30s. But I am slowly letting them know how I feel. It does get tiring having to "hold it down" and not be oneself, but I am slowly realising it is not worth doing that. Otherwise, it is detrimental to oneself.  It takes you back to think about how I act, why I work that way, and it was not because I am an id*iot. I know it was because of something else that is me. I am that way, and that is fine.  It is for other people to understand and for me not to have that pressure but to be more kind to myself.

    Everything will work out, and you will move forward Slight smile

  • Hi 

    I am the same age as you and was diagnosed last week. Likewise, I always felt that I was different and had done plenty of research in to autism before I was diagnosed. No big surprise for me to have the diagnosis, but it had knocked me for 6 - the fact that what I had suspected for a long time has now been confirmed, validated, etc. I have been off work since the diagnosis, I am still trying take it all in and get my head straight - something that is exhausting me at the moment.

    I have situations where my head is like a pressure cooker - building, building, building and then boom! 
    I am usually a very determined person and that probably goes against me as I keeping trying and trying which ends up with me getting more and more frustrated. I can find it difficult to take myself away from the situation, especially as walking away doesn't solve the problem and it will still be there when you go back to it. 

    What I am learning to do is to ask for help, share problems, escalate problems to my manager, etc. Something that is very new to me as I always used to have the strength and resolve to get through challenges.