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Ketamine integration

Theendingofhismiddleliving

I have been taking ketamine infusions for some time now; tomorrow is infusion no. 22. I understand that integration is important and am now discussing this topic with my new therapist who I'm basically still getting to know. But the very idea of ketamine integration seems curious to me. As you probably know, ketamine induces a temporary psychotic state and the experience is prima facie mystical. How do I integrate the experience into my life without believing things which are a bit ... shall we say, eccentric? I hope that people have some sense of what I'm getting at. Should I really believe the things which are occurring to me under the influence of this drug? Is this the form that mental health takes today? Aren't we supposed to avoid schizophrenia-spectrum thinking? It seems that today the trend is to embrace it. 

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  • My tendency is to try to interpret the experiences in terms of mystical literature. Ibn Arabi, for example, seems to be describing experiences similar to things I experience from ketamine, e.g. the wall, infinity, dusk, subhuman mentality (which has its place, by the way), the central point, the highest word, the intermediary, my divinity, the impossibility of there being more than one person, my non-existence. Because the similarity is so strong, I am inclined to "integrate" by reading Ibn Arabi. But, on the other hand, isn't Ibn Arabi a bit crazy? The question as to what I'm supposed to believe applies to the literature I use in an attempt to integrate as much as to anything else. Without the literature though, I feel that I am missing a lot. 

  • in reply to Theendingofhismiddleliving

    hmm I don't think thats how its suposed to work. I think it's more like you hear your dead mums voice and realise you had unfinished buisness with her before you she died kind of thing. It's the more personal stuff rather than the metaphysical aspect.

  • in reply to Peter

    I am aware of my dead mother while under the influence of ketamine. But I have trouble separating it from the more glaringly mystical things. Ibn Arabi also mentions contact with the dead. I also tend to perceive my mother as god, which fits with the mystical notion that everything is god. Anyway, I mentioned this to one of the psychiatrists at the clinic (technically, I actually have 4 psychiatrists if you include the 3 who work with me in the clinic). He said "You don't have to believe it. It's enough to feel it." I sometimes have feelings of bliss while on ketamine, and sometimes feelings of discomfort which I can usually banish by telling myself "This is perfect." But I'm not sure what it means to feel that my mother is god, or that I am god, or that no one exists, or that I could meet and have a conversation with Claude Debussy if I tried hard enough. 

  • in reply to Theendingofhismiddleliving

    One of my psychiatrists told me that the ketamine would be more effective if I stopped taking Klonopin. But I take 0.5 mg every night, and weaning off of it would be hard. Or at least I think it would be. 

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