In recent years I've really struggled with my mental health. I think it all stems from losing my sister after an accident, can't be sure of that but that's when I remember first feeling scared and like my comfort shield was breached.
In 2020 my mental health deteriorated again, the worst it had ever got. I became suicidal and then began to self harm. GP got involved, then mental health services and late that year I was detained under the mental health act. I was there for 30 days initially but it was extended to 6 months, I feared at the time I would be there forever but after 5 months I was allowed home again.
Luckily I've only been in hospital once and I'm hoping it will never happen again. The idea of going back to that hospital absolutely terrifies me! And yet despite that fear I still can't get better. Things are better I'm no longer suicidal but constant stress means my mental health is still bad and I don't seem able to recover completely. I still self harm, my mental health team and nurses keep a watch on me and at the moment they aren't overly worried.
The main problem is a lot of my problems is autism, but the professionals don't seem to register I even have autism at the best of times. I told a nurse about it once and then another nurse told her it was a phantom problem but it's an official diagnosis I've got!
On a more positive note I've had a good day today with no self harm and I've felt relatively positive. It won't last but I'm enjoying it while it does.
