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Struggling with mental health

Deleted User

In recent years I've really struggled with my mental health. I think it all stems from losing my sister after an accident, can't be sure of that but that's when I remember first feeling scared and like my comfort shield was breached.

In 2020 my mental health deteriorated again, the worst it had ever got. I became suicidal and then began to self harm. GP got involved, then mental health services and late that year I was detained under the mental health act. I was there for 30 days initially but it was extended to 6 months, I feared at the time I would be there forever but after 5 months I was allowed home again.

Luckily I've only been in hospital once and I'm hoping it will never happen again. The idea of going back to that hospital absolutely terrifies me! And yet despite that fear I still can't get better. Things are better I'm no longer suicidal but constant stress means my mental health is still bad and I don't seem able to recover completely. I still self harm, my mental health team and nurses keep a watch on me and at the moment they aren't overly worried.

The main problem is a lot of my problems is autism, but the professionals don't seem to register I even have autism at the best of times. I told a nurse about it once and then another nurse told her it was a phantom problem but it's an official diagnosis I've got! 

On a more positive note I've had a good day today with no self harm and I've felt relatively positive. It won't last but I'm enjoying it while it does.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    They're not as bad. In that moment it felt like the worst thing that ever happened to me because everything in my life was falling apart.

    I was witnessing all my friends leaving my life in real time (not their fault; I did something stupid and I deserved it) and it was horrible. 

  • in reply to HMO

    I don't think you'd be in much danger of being admitted if you had decided to refer yourself. Last year I'd stopped eating and told the psych person at A&E that I wanted to die and had tried recently. They said that it would be weeks before a bed opened up anyway, so it would be either try to survive at home or be kept in the regular hospital under watch for those weeks. 

    I've had time on a psych unit and I swore I'd never go back, but I would've tried anything last year if it might've helped. 

  • in reply to HMO

    Hi, thank you.

    I'm glad you didn't refer yourself. I get  that some people might find it a better environment but it definitely wasn't for me and I've read a lot of other people's accounts of it as well and they found it made them a lot worse. When it comes to autism I think there needs to be better approaches.

    I hope things are better for you now?

  • in reply to Dawn

    Thank you. I'm very safe now, even the self harm is in a better place.

    I know I reacted the same when I heard them say about my phantom problem lol. Thank you for the idea of writing to my team, that's a good approach to this situation and I really wish I'd thought of it before.

    I wrote to one of my GP's before to explain my autism as she didn't understand and that did at least help.

    It can be real scary of some professionals aren't so professional with us.

  • Oh good God!

    Bless you. I hope you remain safe from the self harm.

    But seriously, "phantom problem"? What?

    It might help to write to your MH team with another copy of your diagnosis just stating that unless your diagnosis is not only taken seriously but held central to their approach to your care, you have little confidence in their ability to help you.

    I find the ignorance of professionals scary x

  • I'm glad you've had a good day. I'm sorry you've struggled so much; I've also been in the same boat.

    I'm glad you're not suicidal anymore, but I imagine being detained isn't the best experience because not many people are autism trained. I nearly referred myself a few months ago but it didn't get that far.

    I don't have a history of self harm bar hitting myself when I'm angry or starving myself when stressed.

    I hope you have people around you that you're able to speak to. I'm sure this forum will help too.