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Not fitting in

NAS88712

Hi I am a 21 years old female who was diagnosed with Autism at 10 years old.

My whole life I have been happy to be autistic and content with my life, but since finishing education I have been feeling very lost. I am unable to work and currently volunteer which I love, but all my friends and people my age are at university and have jobs and go clubbing. I feel very left out and lost as can’t do the same things as them. And even though I love my life I can’t help but feel left out, jealous and like a alien compared to them. I have great friends who include me in there activities but i just feel so different to them. I also have a good group of friends who are also autistic but I also don’t fit in with them either. I find myself not fitting in anywhere and I haven’t met anyone who has a similar autism to me, i am very chatty and love being around people which I know is uncommon for autistic people, i often get told I don’t act autistic or look autistic which doesn’t help as I feel even more unusual, I am just very good at hiding it.

Has anyone else felt like they don’t fit in anywhere and if so do it get better?

Is it common to feel like this after you finish education like you can’t catch up to other people?

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  • NAS88712 said:
    I am unable to work

    Can you explain specifically why you can't work please? We may be able to offer some pointers to get you into employment so you feel less excluded.

    NAS88712 said:
    Is it common to feel like this after you finish education like you can’t catch up to other people?

    Yes. And not just for neurodiverse people either.

    You are now in a time when your friends are having to work in order to live and this places a lot of strain on them. They may have to travel with their work or have a partner who does and they end up moving away. Maybe they develop new interests picked up from new colleagues / partners that fill their life so they have less time for you.

    Maybe they start to feel more "grown up" and don't want to associate with those from their younger years.

    There are loads of forces that will quite naturally take you all in different directions and very few friendships stand the test of time in the grown up world, even if you were not autistic.

    My suggestion to you is to learn to accept your uniqueness and stop wanting to be like others in order to fit in. Spend time being your authentic self around your friends and embrace their new lives too - take an interest, ask questions and celebrate their successes.

    I'm curious to see if we can find a way into work for you - it is an area I've done a lot of research into recently so have some ideas once I know what the specifics are.

  • in reply to Iain

    I have worked in the past but due to my depression and severe anxiety it didn’t work out. And in recent years I have been diagnosed with FND and got the severe kind, i seizures multiple times a day which leave me exhausted and I have tics where I throw things and swear. I am often in a wheel chair and have a carer with me every time I leave the house. 

  • in reply to NAS88712

    Well that would make it difficult to hold down a conventional job to say the least. I'm sorry you find yourself with these limitations, it can't be easy.

    Some jobs that may work with your limited mobility and unpredictable availability are:

    accountant

    computer programmer

    creative writer

    artist

    writer or screenwriter

    web developer

    There are bound to be more but do any of these appeal to your areas of interest?

  • in reply to Iain

    I have often thought about running a small business from Esty from my home.

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