• Replies 15 replies
  • Subscribers 9 subscribers
  • Views 2288 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Not fitting in

NAS88712

Hi I am a 21 years old female who was diagnosed with Autism at 10 years old.

My whole life I have been happy to be autistic and content with my life, but since finishing education I have been feeling very lost. I am unable to work and currently volunteer which I love, but all my friends and people my age are at university and have jobs and go clubbing. I feel very left out and lost as can’t do the same things as them. And even though I love my life I can’t help but feel left out, jealous and like a alien compared to them. I have great friends who include me in there activities but i just feel so different to them. I also have a good group of friends who are also autistic but I also don’t fit in with them either. I find myself not fitting in anywhere and I haven’t met anyone who has a similar autism to me, i am very chatty and love being around people which I know is uncommon for autistic people, i often get told I don’t act autistic or look autistic which doesn’t help as I feel even more unusual, I am just very good at hiding it.

Has anyone else felt like they don’t fit in anywhere and if so do it get better?

Is it common to feel like this after you finish education like you can’t catch up to other people?

  • in reply to Iain

    I have often thought about running a small business from Esty from my home.

  • in reply to Iain

    Unfortunately I am also dyslexic and can’t read or right well and can’t do maths. I have looked into all areas of jobs but I think until I get my seizures under control or find away a round them I am stuck.

  • in reply to NAS88712

    Well that would make it difficult to hold down a conventional job to say the least. I'm sorry you find yourself with these limitations, it can't be easy.

    Some jobs that may work with your limited mobility and unpredictable availability are:

    accountant

    computer programmer

    creative writer

    artist

    writer or screenwriter

    web developer

    There are bound to be more but do any of these appeal to your areas of interest?

  • Yes I've felt the pain and loneliness of not fitting in anywhere. From my own experience it does get better because you start to get used to it. That's how it's been for me. It used to be very upsetting but now I don't notice it as much, I'm used to not fitting in. I wish it were different but people don't want to give me a chance to fit in, I've tried but they never appear to want to give me that chance.

  • in reply to Mark

    The spam filter is feeling particularly sensitive at the moment. Sometines simply editing a post will do it or quoting more than twice - even adding external links will send it off on a wobbly!

    Some say it is because it is afraid of being replaced by a better AI...

  • in reply to Mark

    Sorry I am unsure why it was flagged. This is my first post on this website so still unsure how things work.

  • Don't worry you are not alone in this.

    I've spent the first 26 years of my life not fitting in. Glad of this community where we can connect and unmask.

  • in reply to Katy Chocolate Lover

    Thank you, it’s nice to know I am not alone in these thoughts.

  • I can relate to much of this. I've never felt like I fit in, only place is here actually this is the exception but I think it's because we are all in the same boat. I never fitted in at school, work or in my own home. I've spent my life in a constant battle to try and be understood and accepted.

  • in reply to Iain

    I have worked in the past but due to my depression and severe anxiety it didn’t work out. And in recent years I have been diagnosed with FND and got the severe kind, i seizures multiple times a day which leave me exhausted and I have tics where I throw things and swear. I am often in a wheel chair and have a carer with me every time I leave the house. 

  • Yes, is was for me.. even during school I felt like I was miles behind everyone else. I've never felt like I fit in with the rest of the world, most of the time I feel like an outsider looking in - the black sheep of the flock. This forum is the first and only place I've ever felt I belong. It's a nice feeling knowing there's a place I can be myself and connect with other awesome like minded people.

  • Yeah, I've felt like an outsider all of my life, like someone looking into a world I can't experience.

    While I was going through school, I buried myself in studying, getting good results and going to University.

    I'd watch as everyone else around me seemed to be having a good time, but all I could do was watch and not understand why.

  • Why was my reply "flagged as spam or abuse"?

    All I said was yes I feel the same and no it doesn't get better.

  • Yes I feel the same, and no it doesn't get better.

  • NAS88712 said:
    I am unable to work

    Can you explain specifically why you can't work please? We may be able to offer some pointers to get you into employment so you feel less excluded.

    NAS88712 said:
    Is it common to feel like this after you finish education like you can’t catch up to other people?

    Yes. And not just for neurodiverse people either.

    You are now in a time when your friends are having to work in order to live and this places a lot of strain on them. They may have to travel with their work or have a partner who does and they end up moving away. Maybe they develop new interests picked up from new colleagues / partners that fill their life so they have less time for you.

    Maybe they start to feel more "grown up" and don't want to associate with those from their younger years.

    There are loads of forces that will quite naturally take you all in different directions and very few friendships stand the test of time in the grown up world, even if you were not autistic.

    My suggestion to you is to learn to accept your uniqueness and stop wanting to be like others in order to fit in. Spend time being your authentic self around your friends and embrace their new lives too - take an interest, ask questions and celebrate their successes.

    I'm curious to see if we can find a way into work for you - it is an area I've done a lot of research into recently so have some ideas once I know what the specifics are.