I feel useless

yeah that type of issue can be difficult to tackle, but i feel it, i was living with my parents up until i was 32 with no education job history or employment and no prospect of doing anything or being accepted or moving on... i didnt have the motivation and desire to do anything. its hard to change and i dont think any advice could really make a difference as its a difficult thing to change or even understand to a person who doesnt feel it. other people will give advice and to them would be like its just easy to do it. to you theres no desire, no motivation. 

for me i got out of it a year or 2 back and somehow made a secure life in the space of 1 year. its hard to tell how i fixed it for myself. but in my mid 20s i took up martial arts and fitness and that changed me alot, motivated me to be personally better, but that alone wasnt good enough, but it was one tiny spark, i tried looking for fitness based jobs even tried joining the army and navy both of which rejected me for having no social life and not doing anything in my life.

i also started planning to be homeless and making it seem fun by watching vids of wild campers walking across the country and living out of tents. i brought tent and stuff i thought id need for that, it became a mental safety net providing me with something there that i can fall onto when i become homeless. then i looked at yachts, upgraded my plans to find a cheap yacht and planned to live out of a yacht on the coast of scotland, living freely in the beautful natural environment fishing and so on for free food... for that plan i had to have at least 3k in my bank which as i was on benefits and i dont spend i had that.

then i started having a bit too much money in my bank that benefits wouldnt let me stay on if i continued and so i put the overflow cash into crypto assets... which then went up in price quite a bit. so that legally pressured me into getting a job and provided job pressure.... and also i was having really bad depression and loneliness at a peak at that point too to the point i was lying on my floor shouting in frustration most of the time so that peak loneliness gave me the idea that with a job comes a break to the lonliness and people to connect to, which i thought id never wanted but i guess as i got older and more distanced and total lonely it does make you realise you still need some contact with people. so that provided pressure to get a job too.... then i applied for some in the space of a day or 2, likely thats all this breakdown pressure would even have me do, but out of that i got a lucky response to start right away, and have worked there for the past 2 years, used the crypto gains for my own property and normal secure life now.

i dunno alot of my end case results i think were pure luck though so as i said i dunno if any of it can be used or replicated in any way..... if i didnt get response from job after 1 or 2 days id likely have gone back to not being bothered and sticking with my yacht plan... i might even have ran away from parents house and dove right into that already which would likely have been a mistake maybe as i doubt i could actually have survived like that anyway lol i dont like doing things different too so going out right away to take up that job felt very weird and i could easily have just not done it and stayed in my bedroom and not moved. so it was alot of pure chance and luck on alot of factors even down to me actually bothering to go out there.

Hi Caelus - wow - what an incredible post

Your plans of escape sound very familiar to me - I’ve often had these sorts of plans around wild camping, or getting a van and living in it, or just living in my car, or going up to Scotland and living in the most remote places, or even going to religious orders etc. So many ideas of escape and freedom.  But in practice very difficult!
I think (for me) it speaks of my struggle (and my boredom) with ‘normal life’ and feeling like I was just not suited to a regular life, regular job and the social demands that society places on us. I just wanted to be liberated and free to be myself. And I LOVE nature and being outdoors. 
But of course in practice these options of living wild etc are hugely challenging, even dangerous. 
I’m glad that you’ve found a route to a life you are happier with now. That’s a huge achievement and I’m really happy for you.

I have a pretty strong aversion/difficulty to being around people other than my family, but deep down I feel that isolation can actually be really damaging, and that more contact with other people is often very beneficial to mental health. So engaging with the world ‘out there’ is often important to having a happier and more balanced life. It’s not easy but I think we need to gently push ourselves out of our comfort zone sometimes. My son struggles hugely with motivation (as do I too sometimes) and it’s hard to break out of that. But I think it can be done - as you have proved :) 

Hi Caelus - wow - what an incredible post

Your plans of escape sound very familiar to me - I’ve often had these sorts of plans around wild camping, or getting a van and living in it, or just living in my car, or going up to Scotland and living in the most remote places, or even going to religious orders etc. So many ideas of escape and freedom.  But in practice very difficult!
I think (for me) it speaks of my struggle (and my boredom) with ‘normal life’ and feeling like I was just not suited to a regular life, regular job and the social demands that society places on us. I just wanted to be liberated and free to be myself. And I LOVE nature and being outdoors. 
But of course in practice these options of living wild etc are hugely challenging, even dangerous. 
I’m glad that you’ve found a route to a life you are happier with now. That’s a huge achievement and I’m really happy for you.

I have a pretty strong aversion/difficulty to being around people other than my family, but deep down I feel that isolation can actually be really damaging, and that more contact with other people is often very beneficial to mental health. So engaging with the world ‘out there’ is often important to having a happier and more balanced life. It’s not easy but I think we need to gently push ourselves out of our comfort zone sometimes. My son struggles hugely with motivation (as do I too sometimes) and it’s hard to break out of that. But I think it can be done - as you have proved :)