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(Repost) My feelings for female users.

imdonenow

Let me start again, simple and honest.

Now, since the very beginning of my joining a social site like DeviantArt, when I was 24, I started off perfectly aware, knowing the obvious right and wrong. So, basically, just wrote normal comments on various artworks and notes to people saying "that's nice" and "how do you do". Yes, nicey nicey to begin with always.

But, of course, not everyone will see that, I know. Especially not some female users, which, after I've been doing the right thing (greeting, introduction, etc.) at the start, for some reason they did not take interest, or are just busy, or don't have any kind of kindness. Those certain female users snapped at me, even though I wasn't doing a wrong thing, technically speaking. It's only them that think so.

With the thing about female users, that is why... I can feel pretty down about it, since I lack any good female friend as "just a friend", not "girlfriend". But I ask, casually, is there an honest girl somewhere here on NAS or elsewhere who might wish to build a new relationship with me? I only have male friends, that is. But I'm just saying, my mistakes in the past were unintended and natural. I always tried to do my best for right, not for wrong. Most of the time.

And before you might say "harassment", please note that, I do not like that word. It just makes me worse, that's all, especially when used against me. Today isn't brilliant for me, alright? Good.

Anyway... So yes, currently (but not always at least) I am feeling sad, that when I think about those unfortunate times I had before, female users lashing at me because of certain things that happened, it makes me depressed and "not worthy", as well that I wish there were properly nice girls as friends to have chats and understanding with, even if it is just only one friend that's enough already. Yes I admit I made problems before and they were just accidents, but forgive. I am just trying my best from now on. And about those female users I mentioned in the other topic, I know their behaviours, so I will leave them alone. Instead for now, I would of appreciated actual agreements of comfort from others and a kind girl somewhere who may seek to get connected with me. But, thing is, I don't choose to look into others' topics for the opportunity or such. Sorry, it's just how I feel.

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  • imdonenow said:
    Those certain female users snapped at me, even though I wasn't doing a wrong thing, technically speaking. It's only them that think so.

    Hello there, I think where you are making the mistakes that lead to these repsonses is based in two things:

    1 - how the conversation progresses from the initial pleasantries (well used ground and easy to follow) to the next stages where a connection is being established. It appears your behaviour / expectations do not align with the girls in quite a lot of the cases.

    2 - the girls have most likely experienced plenty of unwelcomed male advances in the past (this is a common male problem and not just ausism related) and have developed a filter to keep this away. To get though the filter you need to have some connection that makes them want to speak more to you.

    Something males do not always appreciate that it can be really unpleasany for them having loads of males chasing after them for their attentions. Intimidating barely begins to cover it so it is quite natural that they will have to find a way to block out many of these advances otherwise they would never get anything done.

    There is no agreement that says they have to reply to you at all - the fact that they exchanged pleasantries when online is actually nice of them. There is certainly no agreement or reason that they should need to become friends with you just because you want it - that is not how society works.

    The push back you experienced is a sign that you need to understand more about how this social interaction works - the book I recommended on the other thread should give you a good starting point for this.

    imdonenow said:
    Yes I admit I made problems before and they were just accidents, but forgive. I am just trying my best from now on.

    Acknowledging that you have made mistakes is the starting point for learning to be better.

    I would humbly suggest that learning about what is acceptable behaviour is the best place to start for you. Read and understand and it should start to make sense.

    Change is hard but I think you will appreciate it once you learn more.

Reply
  • imdonenow said:
    Those certain female users snapped at me, even though I wasn't doing a wrong thing, technically speaking. It's only them that think so.

    Hello there, I think where you are making the mistakes that lead to these repsonses is based in two things:

    1 - how the conversation progresses from the initial pleasantries (well used ground and easy to follow) to the next stages where a connection is being established. It appears your behaviour / expectations do not align with the girls in quite a lot of the cases.

    2 - the girls have most likely experienced plenty of unwelcomed male advances in the past (this is a common male problem and not just ausism related) and have developed a filter to keep this away. To get though the filter you need to have some connection that makes them want to speak more to you.

    Something males do not always appreciate that it can be really unpleasany for them having loads of males chasing after them for their attentions. Intimidating barely begins to cover it so it is quite natural that they will have to find a way to block out many of these advances otherwise they would never get anything done.

    There is no agreement that says they have to reply to you at all - the fact that they exchanged pleasantries when online is actually nice of them. There is certainly no agreement or reason that they should need to become friends with you just because you want it - that is not how society works.

    The push back you experienced is a sign that you need to understand more about how this social interaction works - the book I recommended on the other thread should give you a good starting point for this.

    imdonenow said:
    Yes I admit I made problems before and they were just accidents, but forgive. I am just trying my best from now on.

    Acknowledging that you have made mistakes is the starting point for learning to be better.

    I would humbly suggest that learning about what is acceptable behaviour is the best place to start for you. Read and understand and it should start to make sense.

    Change is hard but I think you will appreciate it once you learn more.

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