Can't Function With Fatigue

I suffer badly from burnout sometimes and I am unsure if it's related to autism or depression and anxiety or a combination. Sometimes (I guess like everyone else) I get to the point where I need to switch off from everything and everyone. 

Lately I have been totally burned out dealing with family issues. A relative is potentially in the early stages of dementia and I have been trying to take on a lot of the responsibility of caring for her. She doesn't have children of her own and as she has always been there for me, I feel a sense of duty. I have set up a care plan for her now which will hopefully ease some of the responsibility. Yesterday I went to fix her oven for her and was also dealing with getting her boiler replaced as it was condemned last week. While in the process of doing this she had a fall in her bedroom and landed on top of her walking stick. I ended up having to call an ambulance and spent the next few hours in A+E with her. Thankfully nothing was broken and I brought her home. I feel guilty leaving her at any point because she lives alone, I am trying to do everything I possibly can for her but since yesterday I have felt absolutely exhausted, stressed, down and emotionally empty. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I think I should just be getting on with caring for her in any way necessary. I don't know what to do to make this better. I want to keep going, there is still so much that needs to be done. 

Does anyone have any tips for battling this? 

I suffer badly from burnout sometimes and I am unsure if it's related to autism or depression and anxiety or a combination. Sometimes (I guess like everyone else) I get to the point where I need to switch off from everything and everyone. 

Lately I have been totally burned out dealing with family issues. A relative is potentially in the early stages of dementia and I have been trying to take on a lot of the responsibility of caring for her. She doesn't have children of her own and as she has always been there for me, I feel a sense of duty. I have set up a care plan for her now which will hopefully ease some of the responsibility. Yesterday I went to fix her oven for her and was also dealing with getting her boiler replaced as it was condemned last week. While in the process of doing this she had a fall in her bedroom and landed on top of her walking stick. I ended up having to call an ambulance and spent the next few hours in A+E with her. Thankfully nothing was broken and I brought her home. I feel guilty leaving her at any point because she lives alone, I am trying to do everything I possibly can for her but since yesterday I have felt absolutely exhausted, stressed, down and emotionally empty. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I think I should just be getting on with caring for her in any way necessary. I don't know what to do to make this better. I want to keep going, there is still so much that needs to be done. 

Does anyone have any tips for battling this? 

Darren said:

Does anyone have any tips for battling this?

The solution is simple but difficult.

You need to be able to take care of her (by your own choice) so you need to be in a mental state that allows you to do this effectively.

Carrying the world on your shoulders is rapidly leading you to break your ability to do this, so:

1 - Work out how much time you can spend on helping her and stick to this. Yes there will be guilt but it is better than burnout.

2 - accept that the end state for her will be death. This is inevitable and her state means she will get there fast in all probability so all you are going to be able to do is make her remaining time as comfortable as you reasonably can.

3 - call on what social services are available. She should be entitled to care visits, possibly food deliveries and other packages - find out who has her power of attorney (probably in her family) and ask what they want to do about her situation. Be aware they may not care or they themselves may not be capable to decide.

4 - See who else you can get involved to help. Does she have other friends, other family or even friendly neighbours. If you are up for it you could try to arrange a schedule for looking after her as best you can with that resource.

5 - Learn to let the guilt go. You are already doing way more than is expected or required of you - celebrate that you are making a difference but you cannot carry her needs on your own. A therapist is probably needed to do this.

6 - Give you some time for yourself. This is essential to help you recharge. It may also give you the time for emotional release that is a good thing to do in this situation. It is horrible but you are a light for her in a dark place.

7 - Plan what to do if / when the dementure gets to the point where she does not recognise you. This stage is heartbreaking (been there twice with family) and you should ideally have researched care home options for her by then as this is probably her best chance of being safe.

Planning ahead and managing the balance of your own resources are the keys.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation but please take care of yourself as well as her.

If you need to chat more, we are always here for you.