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Do you ever cry?

Oakling

Do you ever cry?

It is such a rare occurrence for me, but today I did when I was exercising in my garage gym. I think I know why I did, but often understanding my emotions can be a bit confusing for me.

I think many things got on top of me in this instance (both positive and negative feelings) that it came out in this way. It’s quite an intense thing really.

I just wondered what everyone’s experiences with this was as I know everyone is different. 

Parents

  • This is a big one for me. 

    I take a lot of drugs for my mental health and I think that has numbed me down to a point where I can't *really* cry. 

    I really want to sometimes, you know it looks so cathartic, when people have those deep sobbing tears and 'get the feelings out' sort of thing, but that just doesn't come for me. 

    I have had depression most of my life, as well as complex post traumatic stress disorder and I think somewhere along the line I just stopped being able to do it. 

    There's also a big thing in my head about letting people *see* me do it. Like I almost have a fear of letting out tears in front of people. In therapy sometimes talking about trauma I can get a bit glossy eyed and maybe even spill out a tear but its like...hollow? it isn't coming from a place of feeling. 

    I guess it's hard to explain. I don't know how much of it is autism, how much of it is programming myself and how much of it is trauma. But the bottom of it is: I would like to cry but I can't. 

Reply

  • This is a big one for me. 

    I take a lot of drugs for my mental health and I think that has numbed me down to a point where I can't *really* cry. 

    I really want to sometimes, you know it looks so cathartic, when people have those deep sobbing tears and 'get the feelings out' sort of thing, but that just doesn't come for me. 

    I have had depression most of my life, as well as complex post traumatic stress disorder and I think somewhere along the line I just stopped being able to do it. 

    There's also a big thing in my head about letting people *see* me do it. Like I almost have a fear of letting out tears in front of people. In therapy sometimes talking about trauma I can get a bit glossy eyed and maybe even spill out a tear but its like...hollow? it isn't coming from a place of feeling. 

    I guess it's hard to explain. I don't know how much of it is autism, how much of it is programming myself and how much of it is trauma. But the bottom of it is: I would like to cry but I can't. 

Children
  • in reply to Autumn_Trees

    I think for me it's just years of bottling stuff up and, to put it bluntly, having become ashamed of showing any emotion at all.

    It does lead to things being pent-up and it's not very healthy but even thinking about sad things doesn't make me cry much. 

    When I was a child I would cry all the time. I'm 26 now. I was 24 the last time I cried properly.

    Autumn_Trees said:
    There's also a big thing in my head about letting people *see* me do it. Like I almost have a fear of letting out tears in front of people. In therapy sometimes talking about trauma I can get a bit glossy eyed and maybe even spill out a tear but its like...hollow? it isn't coming from a place of feeling. 

    I relate to this bit. I am afraid because I don't want people to think I'm manipulating them although like you, I can get glossy eyed in therapy sometimes.

    I think it probably is trauma for me, and maybe years of having masked pretty much every emotion.