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Answering "How are you?"

AC

I generally find the concept of lying abhorrent, so dread the question, especially when I am not OK - which happens often.

I have sometimes paused to think about the answer, which has led to "What's wrong?", to which my answer has been, cryptically, "it's complicated". End of conversation.

It's not that I don't want to talk about it, I do. I just don't feel comfortable in opening up, especially the risk of not being asked again, and generally ignored in the future.

Is it just me?

Parents

  • I realised a long time ago that this question is part of the NT dance of conversation. Very rarely does anyone actually want to know and they seem quite offended and almost annoyed with you if you tell them, as if they are thinking "I didnt want to know all that" to which my response would be "why did you ask then?"

    From the opposite way round, if I ask someone how they are I genuinely care about the response and if they want to pour their problems out for 10 minutes thats fine by me

    The worst one I find is the follow up question. Once they have asked you how you are, NT people always follow up with the same next question "Hows work?" . Sometimes it feels like most people think your whole life and worth as a person is tied up with whether you can hold down a "normal" job. As someone whos life problems and mental health problems are usually a result of work, and who is constantly changing jobs, I dread this question.
    Sometimes I actually avoid places where I will see people so that I dont get asked this 

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  • I realised a long time ago that this question is part of the NT dance of conversation. Very rarely does anyone actually want to know and they seem quite offended and almost annoyed with you if you tell them, as if they are thinking "I didnt want to know all that" to which my response would be "why did you ask then?"

    From the opposite way round, if I ask someone how they are I genuinely care about the response and if they want to pour their problems out for 10 minutes thats fine by me

    The worst one I find is the follow up question. Once they have asked you how you are, NT people always follow up with the same next question "Hows work?" . Sometimes it feels like most people think your whole life and worth as a person is tied up with whether you can hold down a "normal" job. As someone whos life problems and mental health problems are usually a result of work, and who is constantly changing jobs, I dread this question.
    Sometimes I actually avoid places where I will see people so that I dont get asked this 

Children