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Answering "How are you?"

AC

I generally find the concept of lying abhorrent, so dread the question, especially when I am not OK - which happens often.

I have sometimes paused to think about the answer, which has led to "What's wrong?", to which my answer has been, cryptically, "it's complicated". End of conversation.

It's not that I don't want to talk about it, I do. I just don't feel comfortable in opening up, especially the risk of not being asked again, and generally ignored in the future.

Is it just me?

Parents

  • The response I give very much depends on how well I know the person asking, how much information I am willing to provide, and if I think they are asking just to be polite, or because they are genuinely interested.

    If the person asking is a neighbour that I get along with, I will usually respond with, "Do you want the short answer, or the honest answer?" If they say they want the honest answer and I notice their eyes glazing over with complete disinterest, then I work on the principle that it's their own fault for asking.

    Close friends usually get the full honest answer, However, if I'm not in a good place emotionally, and I know they're not either, then sometimes I might omit certain information if I think it may add to their own problems and drag them down further.

    With some people (my mother is an example), I might feel it is none of their business, so respond with something like, "So-so", "Up and down.", or "Same as I usually am.". If I'm asked to elaborate, I'll then make it clear that the topic of how I am is no longer up for discussion.

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  • The response I give very much depends on how well I know the person asking, how much information I am willing to provide, and if I think they are asking just to be polite, or because they are genuinely interested.

    If the person asking is a neighbour that I get along with, I will usually respond with, "Do you want the short answer, or the honest answer?" If they say they want the honest answer and I notice their eyes glazing over with complete disinterest, then I work on the principle that it's their own fault for asking.

    Close friends usually get the full honest answer, However, if I'm not in a good place emotionally, and I know they're not either, then sometimes I might omit certain information if I think it may add to their own problems and drag them down further.

    With some people (my mother is an example), I might feel it is none of their business, so respond with something like, "So-so", "Up and down.", or "Same as I usually am.". If I'm asked to elaborate, I'll then make it clear that the topic of how I am is no longer up for discussion.

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