Published on 12, July, 2020
I came here in the hope of finding work and maybe finding a reason to keep on going, but there is nothing here. It's almost as if this place is just some sort of front for the government to say they are actually helping the autistic, when infact, they are just leaving us to die.
I hate the world, I've no desire to keep on living nor do I have a desire to connect with anymore as I just don't like anyone anymore. I keep wanting to get a job, but my lack of confidence, self-esteem and messed up head keeps me from doing so. I can't enjoy any of my hobbies because I keep worrying about work and now that my fit note is over, I'm going to keep getting hassle from DWP to find work while I wait ages for therapy, which probably won't do anything for me anyway. I want to die, but don't have it in me to kill myself and I have no desire to be apart of this heap of *** called modern civilization.
I don't even know what to do anymore.
Hi there. I can hear your desperation.
I have to point out this forum isn't a "government front" because it has nothing to do with the government. NAS is a charity which kindly hosts this space so we can talk to each other about anything we want. I hope that between us we can help lift your mood a bit and let you know you aren't alone. Many of us have been in the space you are right now, even if we are OK at the moment.
From the sounds of it though, I'd say you aren't in any fit state to work at present. Can you go back to your doctor to sign you off again?
As for the therapy, well, we have to be honest in as much as getting therapy that actually works for autistic people is not easy. However, it is not hopeless. Some folk get lucky and land on a therapist who is properly autism informed and skilled in tailoring to autistic communication, sensory and thought processes. Some don't. For any therapy to work for you they must hold your autism central to their approach, not as a mere adjunct. It is awful that people NT or ND have to wait so long to get what they need, but try to use the time until then thinking about what sort of adaptation you would need a therapist to make to facilitate the communication process and when your turn comes don't be afraid to ask what qualifications and experience they have in autism.
I think if I try and get another fit note, they'll just refuse. The DWP and government want to force us all into work and make our lives a misery. After all, we are undesirables to them.
No, I don't have a lot of faith in the government either. But whether you get a fit/sick note is your doctor's decision, not theirs.
Government administrators are just paper pushing whatever their flow chart says. Got fit note, do x, no fit note do Y. But it is up to the doctor not them.
Don't throw your life away for the government , you will get past this , as I will too as I'm also going through this .
People on here are amazing and supportive .
We got this
I think you need to be here, and everyone would want that for you too - to have the support, stability, understanding, that we mutually offer as a community here. Number is not just trying to make yuo feel better, nearly every single one of us has run into that 'spam or abuse' issue. It's an annoying glitch caused by certain harmless actions (eg. re-opening the post to edit out spelling mistakes - happened to me at the weekend- or multi-quoting). Not helpful to feel inadvertently silenced when you most need to talk, but it 100% will not be a personal thing. Nothing you've said would warrant that.
Many of us here have various posts and communications unceremoniously blocked or flagged by this site without rhyme or reason.
We know that, in the majority of cases, this is caused by automated software that makes dubious decisions.......that are eventually corrected by our human volunteers.
You are not being targeted by people here for spam and abuse......its just software.
We welcome everyone here......most of us know feelings like the ones you describe.....many of us have been there with those thoughts.....and we circle back around into the darkness again from time to time.
Keep going Soul.
I've been flagged for spam and abuse. Seems you guys don't want me here either.