Published on 12, July, 2020
I came here in the hope of finding work and maybe finding a reason to keep on going, but there is nothing here. It's almost as if this place is just some sort of front for the government to say they are actually helping the autistic, when infact, they are just leaving us to die.
I hate the world, I've no desire to keep on living nor do I have a desire to connect with anymore as I just don't like anyone anymore. I keep wanting to get a job, but my lack of confidence, self-esteem and messed up head keeps me from doing so. I can't enjoy any of my hobbies because I keep worrying about work and now that my fit note is over, I'm going to keep getting hassle from DWP to find work while I wait ages for therapy, which probably won't do anything for me anyway. I want to die, but don't have it in me to kill myself and I have no desire to be apart of this heap of *** called modern civilization.
I don't even know what to do anymore.
Hi man - sorry you're feeling this way. These feelings I am all too familiar with and I know how they can weigh you down. Don't give up on yourself and keep fighting, because that pain and darkness isn't forever and we're all here to stand with you as you work through these difficult times and feelings. Work isn't easy to come by, have you thought of volunteering? That is something that will keep you occupied and it might lead to work later on. I recently lost my job because my physical health is in a bad place, sucks for a 26 year old but that's life I guess.
Hang in there mate. And do keep in touch here and with the Samaritans, most of their volunteers are understanding and supportive. They also offer an email service and sometimes an online chat. Don't go through it alone.
I've been where you are and it will get better. It does get better - as dark as it is right now, that darkness isn't forever.
Keep fighting. Wishing you the best man.