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Observing the progress of a new focused interest

Glitter

Hello all.  I've recently started developing a new focused interest and I thought it might be of interest to share some thoughts on what it feels like.  (As far as alexithymia will allow.)

I've been feeling quite low for a while due to life issues, coming to terns with diagnosis (which was a good thing but tough to go through),  and changes at work.  So my usual thing of writing fanfic had been on hiatus for a few months and very little was inspiring me.

Then I watched Our Flag Means Death, and those beautiful gay pirates took over my soul.

I couldn't stop thinking about them.  It kept me awake at night.  I found myself daydreaming about them as I did chores. I didn't watch all the episodes at once, because I wanted to make it last, but every episode made me love them even more.  And then I watched the last two in one sitting, and it just overtook my brain.  I wrote a 3000 word fic in the space of a two days, and having to stop writing to do things like work and eat were just vexing.  Putting down my phone (where I write) was hard.  I was so excited to finish it that I sent it to my proof reader before I'd checked it through and they spotted a bunch of typos and a few bits that I had to edit.

I've posted it today and it was thrilling, and I've had comments on it already which has made me so happy.

What's weird though is that my whole outlook on life seems to be more positive again.  Yesterday at work I was being more assertive and talking to people more.  I've been feeling happier.  I had a new person come around to visit my house today, (early stages of new friendship) and I was nervous about it but it went well.

And I think that rediscovering the joy of a new interest is a bit like falling in love.  I feel lighter and excited, but I also feel anxious and exhausted because it's taking up a lot of energy and keeping me awake.  The more I can indulge it, the more I can relax.

I don't know if anyone will find these observations relatable, or if you have any similar stories to tell of how discovered somerhing wonderful.  I'd love to hear some.  At least when I'm not distracted thinking about pirate romance. ;)

  • I don't get to choose which of my 2 main interests will suddenly grip me. When it happens then it's all I think about, and if I'm prevented from it, because of responsibilities, then my mood drops and I'm distracted and frustrated. When I have time then nothing else will exist, nothing seems as important, and I will stop eating because it takes time away. When I've finished and I like the result, there is no greater feeling, I'm hyped and fizzing. 

  • in reply to Glitter

    One thing I dislike about Aucademy is their mandatory asking of the ‘what’s your special interest?’ Question. It comes over like ‘you’d better have one or you’re not really one of us’. Once or twice I’ve seen people get embarrassed at not having one as such and then going ‘I suppose it’s reading about autism… is that ok?’ It makes me uncomfortable for them. 

  • in reply to Glitter

    There was a column in a national newspaper about a week ago, in which a woman detailed her & her family's forensic 'railfan' behaviour; not once was the possibility of Autism mentioned. Framing is everything, and it is too often biased towards allists and against autists, I think.

  • Glitter said:
    The more I can indulge it, the more I can relax.

    I couldn't agree more. I settled in a new place at last and new routines took hold, everything is running smoothly. I spent a lot of time indulging myself in many ways, and still have time to work, cook, shopping, and uni. Occasional bad thoughts are easy to disperse nowadays. I hope it will last. I need 6 years in peace to finish uni part time.

  • in reply to Steven

    <3 

    On aucademy they talk about "focused interests" or "specialisms."  I think I could count learning about autism as a specialism, because it's useful, but pirate romance is pure self indulgence.  

    I just think of that of the "Everything is awesome" song from the lego movie.  I think it's the passion that can make even the most unusual things exciting.  The whole NT perception of us is skewed, but I do have hope that the story is slowly changing. 

  • in reply to Glitter

    In the NT world 'obsession' is so often a rubric word, frequently associated with criminality or at best with uncontrollable behaviour, that those people frame *our* special interests through a neurotypical lens. When they're not classing our interests as deathly dull, that is.

    So I'm really delighted to read your terrific post, T.  Slight smile

  • in reply to Steven

    I think that's part of the reason I wanted to write something positive and use more appropriate terminology.  I have something that's brought me a lot of joy, and actually helped me in many parts of life.  

  • I'm too angry about the ultra-negative, judgmental way neurotypicals frame autistic special interests to write any more than this.