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Vicious cycle- how to motivate yourself when you feel like you have nothing left to fight for

Ann :)

Hi, I feel bad posting again, but I am really struggling. I have so many issues (burnout, stress/anxiety, eating issues and urgently need to gain weight etc) and I realised part of me just doesn't want to get better as I feel like I have no goal and nothing I like doing anymore. I had such a strong wish to do a PhD but now that I have offers, I felt no pleasure when I got them, just stress and the feeling that I must be a liar and none of them feel right for me. Having to decide what to do is giving me further agony- I desperately just want one of them to feel right and to motivate me so that I can have something I enjoy and want to work towards again but it all feels wrong for various reasons... but I have no idea what to to if I don't accept any of these. I don't like my job and there is nothing else I ever liked or am good at. 

The other thing that used to motivate me is my love for hiking and outdoor activities (running, cycling, riding etc), but due to injuries I haven't been able to do these for 3 years now and I am too underweight now anyways (which makes it a little easier to bear that I am trapped though of course it is not helping).

I feel like the 2 things that I love science and hiking are outside of my reach or I just don't really seem to care anymore. I am very goal orientated and I feel like I need something I believe in or some goal to work towards to get myself motivated to keep going and to try and break free from all of my problems- but at this point I have given up and don't know what I am still doing on this planet. I don't feel like there is anything left. It's sad and pathetic.

I'm so sorry for writing such a depressed post. I don't know what is wrong with me but I have 0 energy and fight left. I just want to disappear.  

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  • I'm sorry to hear that you're finding things so difficult at the moment.

    Ann :) said:
    I had such a strong wish to do a PhD but now that I have offers, I felt no pleasure when I got them

    The fact that you have offers suggests that others can see the positive qualities and potential that you clearly have but are not able to see yourself at the moment. 

    Ann :) said:
    Having to decide what to do is giving me further agony

    It is a big decision, especially now when you are trying to recover from burnout. Mental anguish over something unresolved won't be helping your recovery.

    I get like that, when I know something has to change but the fear of making the wrong decision can overwhelm me.

    How long do you have to decide? Can you defer that until you are thinking more rationally? 

    Ann :) said:
    The other thing that used to motivate me is my love for hiking and outdoor activities

    Can you still get out into nature at all? Maybe try studying ordnance survey or google maps and identify a place you can get to easily by car or public transport.

    Go there and just 'be'. Focus on the birdsong, the trees, the sheep, the view, anything except the mental torment inside your head.

    I have some favourite places in nature that I find so therapeutic. Even when I cannot get to those places in person it can help to picture them in my mind.

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  • I'm sorry to hear that you're finding things so difficult at the moment.

    Ann :) said:
    I had such a strong wish to do a PhD but now that I have offers, I felt no pleasure when I got them

    The fact that you have offers suggests that others can see the positive qualities and potential that you clearly have but are not able to see yourself at the moment. 

    Ann :) said:
    Having to decide what to do is giving me further agony

    It is a big decision, especially now when you are trying to recover from burnout. Mental anguish over something unresolved won't be helping your recovery.

    I get like that, when I know something has to change but the fear of making the wrong decision can overwhelm me.

    How long do you have to decide? Can you defer that until you are thinking more rationally? 

    Ann :) said:
    The other thing that used to motivate me is my love for hiking and outdoor activities

    Can you still get out into nature at all? Maybe try studying ordnance survey or google maps and identify a place you can get to easily by car or public transport.

    Go there and just 'be'. Focus on the birdsong, the trees, the sheep, the view, anything except the mental torment inside your head.

    I have some favourite places in nature that I find so therapeutic. Even when I cannot get to those places in person it can help to picture them in my mind.

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