Vicious cycle- how to motivate yourself when you feel like you have nothing left to fight for

I think you feel this way because you are burnt out. I would suggest stop the job and rest and recover. When do you need to decide on the PhD offers (for which congratulations!)? Put off deciding as long as possible.

I totally understand about the hiking etc. As I have been disabled with arthritis for 30 years and used to love outdoor activities I can totally relate. There are outdoor activities disabled people can do though, so even if you are not actually disabled there must be ways you can get out and get at least some of what you need - I have found a way myself!

My trike, which I used as my name here, is awesome. It is a recumbent MTB style trike and very rugged. With it I can go out, not just on roads, but also on tracks and some mountain bike trails, which is awesome fun! Depending on what your injuries are, you may well be able to ride such a machine, and they can have electric motors added too. I have also tried disability sailing, and there is disability canoeing and other sports too, just google it!

If you don't feel like sharing exactly what your physical problems/injuries are, do please accept my friend request (which I will send you now) and send me a message. But I won't be at all offended if you prefer not to do the friend thing and keep the discussion here. Up to you. But if you can share what your exact mobility problems are then I might be able help with ideas of things you could try. Even if you are too underweight to try one right now, having an idea as a goal will motivate you to put weight on.

When I was first diagnosed with arthritis at about 20 I thought my world had ended. It is not sad or pathetic, it is totally understandable when you have a huge mountain to climb and your legs are broken! Please believe me when I say there will be a way through for you. It might feel insurmountable right now, but don't give up hope. Your future may or may not hold what you expected, but it is possible that it will turn out better than you expect.

I think you feel this way because you are burnt out. I would suggest stop the job and rest and recover. When do you need to decide on the PhD offers (for which congratulations!)? Put off deciding as long as possible.

I totally understand about the hiking etc. As I have been disabled with arthritis for 30 years and used to love outdoor activities I can totally relate. There are outdoor activities disabled people can do though, so even if you are not actually disabled there must be ways you can get out and get at least some of what you need - I have found a way myself!

My trike, which I used as my name here, is awesome. It is a recumbent MTB style trike and very rugged. With it I can go out, not just on roads, but also on tracks and some mountain bike trails, which is awesome fun! Depending on what your injuries are, you may well be able to ride such a machine, and they can have electric motors added too. I have also tried disability sailing, and there is disability canoeing and other sports too, just google it!

If you don't feel like sharing exactly what your physical problems/injuries are, do please accept my friend request (which I will send you now) and send me a message. But I won't be at all offended if you prefer not to do the friend thing and keep the discussion here. Up to you. But if you can share what your exact mobility problems are then I might be able help with ideas of things you could try. Even if you are too underweight to try one right now, having an idea as a goal will motivate you to put weight on.

When I was first diagnosed with arthritis at about 20 I thought my world had ended. It is not sad or pathetic, it is totally understandable when you have a huge mountain to climb and your legs are broken! Please believe me when I say there will be a way through for you. It might feel insurmountable right now, but don't give up hope. Your future may or may not hold what you expected, but it is possible that it will turn out better than you expect.

Hi- thanks. I’m so glad that you found the trike as a way to still enjoy the outdoors!

I have issues with posterior tibial tendonitis in my ankle and issues with my knee (possibly due to hypermobile joints)- I initially got the tendonitis when I was very fit and also at a good weight- I rested and followed my doctor’s advice but I just ended up doing less and less and my tendon could take less and less. I then lost a lot of weight and all remaining muscle. I did regain the weight a few times since but every time I try to slowly become more active again, it would set off the ankle or knee issue again. I started physiotherapy a few times but I moved country too much ... and now I am so underweight physiotherapy has little point. At moment I can walk 45-60 min on the flat and I can do some light cycling. I should be grateful I can do that but I feel stuck as I need to always be careful how I get places and make sure I don’t go over. Plus I have become compulsive about the movement I can do... It is easier to bear while I am underweight and have no energy but of course there is no hope of it improving whilst I am underweight....

in terms of decisions with PhDs, sadly I have very little time to decide. One of the programs I have to decide in next 1-2 weeks - then the other option which I think is probably a better option (tugh i still have a lot of doubts), i will probably have to decide next week as soon as official letter comes- i have been in contact with these people for months now, visited them, had multiple meengs etc- so I think I will need to give an answer soon. I just don’t feel like I am in a physical or mental state to make such a huge decision at the moment- I struggle with decisions at the best otimes. But having to make the decision and the whole uncertainty about the future is stopping me from resting. I tried to shut it from my mind for a few days but it keeps sneaking its way in and mas me panick. I am scared that i might just pick something because I want things to be ok... but my job also didn’t make me happy at all and was only ever meant to be temporary whilst i looked for ahD... i’m so confused because i put all my last strength into applying and now i am so unwell and don’t feel like anything is right. I am also worried that everything was too rushed... i don’t knowIt’s basically a disaster all around. I know noone can give me an answer- it’s really hard- I feel like i need something to work towards but i am also so scared of starting something and not liking it and things getting even worse. Plus i am scared of having to get better possibly... basically i just don’t know anything anymore at all- i tried not thinking about it... that didn’t work and made me anxious. I tried making lists of pros and cons but depending on how i feel i just go all against or so. I was thinking i should start reading about the topics and see how i feel but i am terrified i will hate it and i am scared to try... and it’s hard to know as i am burntout anyways so it’s not like i have been doing any science related reading anymore anyways.... I’m sorry for rambling on- basically this kindof stuff 10000x worse and more negative and extreme is going through my head all day and night.

i’m so tired of everything that i find myself wishing i could just starve and die but I know that would take way too long and i probably wouldn’t do it because somehow i always end up muddling along. And i have had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past but i’m still here. I do think i want things to workout but I’m at loss as to what I need to do to make that happen and I have lost hope- i feel like i tried so hard so many times and every time i just started something new and it just got worse and worse. I’m sorry i’m being so negative