Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone.
A wonderful friend of mine suggested posting here in the hopes that I can find some advice.
My thoughts are running so fast that I'm struggling to start. I'm struggling with everything right now, to the point living is just too overwhelming. I'm failing in my home life and failing in my work life. It feels too impossible to get through it, though I know there must be a way through, I'm just not able too see it.
I'm currently on the waiting list for talk therapy, for the 3rd time, this time to ascertain whether or not the pins and needles in my mouth and side of my face is due to anxiety. I can't talk to a GP anymore, I don't want medication it makes me feel really unwell. I don't want to be sent contact details of Samaritans, or any other groups, again. That's not helpful. I really don't like asking for help, I've been conditioned to believe that's wrong. And I'm falling down a black hole and can't see a way out.
I've lost myself, not that I've ever really understood myself. I'm only eating once a day, a small meal, and I think it's my way of gaining some sense of control.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I apologise for the very long and pointless post.
It's not pointless. I am not lying: I am going through EXACTLY the same thing. Strange that I try to advise you too but people like us understand what it's like to be stuck in your feelings and feel like the path to your life is blocked by mist. I don't eat very well either, in fact, I am only forcing myself to eat, but those last two days I've been feeling better because I did things that were outside of my routine.
See it this way. You probably always do the same thing, always meet professional medical people. I know that... I can't really help that much since I am going through the same depression you are having. But what I am doing affects how I am feeling. Get something new, something COMPLETELY new. A club, a new hobby maybe a sport even, a new interest. Because see it this way, our depression, let's not lie that what your having, affects the rest of your life too. like a domino. If you find something that you've never tried before then you might enjoy doing the stuff you already do every day.
Also, harsh message: Get a grip dude! You are not wasting our time! This way of thinking is NOT new, what's important here is that you want help! That's already a great step, others could be too scared to question for advice.
Have you tried bakery?
Thank you Kittera.
And I'm so sorry for what you go through. I know there are so many people struggling and suffering, and it makes me feel wrong to have posted here. I have thought about a new hobby and I want to follow my interests, but I've used them to escape the real world and now I have to work hard on undoing all the damage that's done.
As for baking, so sorry, but I can't stand the smell or texture. Though I enjoy other people's end results.