Empathy is not Kindness

Empathy with an Other is a form connectedness or solidarity. It can seem like Telepathy or being on the "same wave-length" (like a seemingly invisible radio signal). We can learn experience mutually felt feelings of an Other through Art and Music. Go to a gallery or the opera and you can grow just a little in a sort of shared experience which can build Empathetic Relations.

But Empathy is actually just this unspoken sense of Relating With, somewhat implying you'll Respond as Expected. 

Empathy is not Sympathy or Compassion. And it can give a false sense of security/trust. In fact, a psychopath/sociopath can be incredibly empathetic and use your vulnerability against you. It is because they can sense it, and only because that, can someone manipulate another's motive/intent or the unspoken elements. 

What you choose to do with the ability to Relate with an other is about who you are as a human (and we can all grow or change in our being human). Sympathy is an act of graciousness, it takes far more effort than Compassion, which is simply guided by feelings, while Sympathy is a devoted or extra action from a sense of humanity or duty. Kant has much to say about the superiority of acting out of kindness when one understands it communicates something important even when we don't feel like it. While acting simply when we are moved is rather effortless, though still valid. 

We all need to feel we can Relate with an Other. But it's wrong to expect others to read my mind.

Be wary of this topic if it's brought up! Always inquire if the other party discussing is using Empathy in place of an Expected form of Kindness or in place of the ability to relate with and mind-read. For most non-Autistics, they are used to relating with the world around, to the degree they can feel like they have No Privacy! So it's shocking to them when they cannot 'get a read' on someone or 'feel' a Relating With. Meanwhile, Autistic individuals might be used to rarely relating with anyone, so it can seem strange to hear that many non-autistics easily feel like 'everyone else'.  We might hope to fit in and camouflage, while someone who's related too much with others might desperately need to feel unique. We watch them say things without effort which somehow produces a desirable response. Meanwhile, there is a great deal of effort I make to try to connect with an Other, and this shouldn't be just overlooked.

Either way. This is an important topic we need to keep reminding ourselves and others, is easily misunderstood. 

Happy New Year!

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