Hi,
I'm keen to understand the challenges other people face when socialising - so visiting venues, meeting friends etc. What is the barrier that stops you from doing what you'd like to do and what do you have in place or what do you do to push yourself or a friend/family member etc.
Thanks,
I can't find the gaps in the conversation or get my words out fast enough before someone else is speaking. There's no way around this except for other people being kind and patient and making the effort to include me.
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I really struggle to start conversations.
That is anxiety inducing for sure. I recognise that in myself too and it's something I've really had to learn to get better at over time. Maybe it's just a skill, maybe it's a cope, maybe it's part of the mask (I'm not sure which at this point to be honest.)
It reminds me of when a load of people are in a voice chat in a game and as far as I know they could all be neurotypical but I notice they end up talking all over eachother because they can't see when the other person starts moving their mouth to talk, because it's all just audio. And I had a humorous moment at their expense because in that scenario they had basically become me: how I was for a huge proportion of my life never knowing when to speak or stop or... etc.
But oddly in the voice chat (quite pleasantly) I found people started opening up "space" for others to talk, apologising when they spoke over eachother and taking turns to talk more by leaving longer gaps after saying a bit. Makes me wish that would happen IRL a lot more.
As above the question is vague and wrongly assumes there is a single barrier.
Every autistic person is different but usually there are multiple barriers.
There is the auditory processing difficulties, mentioned already, that many of us have. All of the noise is competing for attention and I find it impossible to filter out a specific conversation and hear what someone is saying. In terms of helping with this, I would love it if social venues like restaurants had a table inside a soundproofed booth.
There is the sensory overload aspect of such venues, This may include noise, lights, smells, touch, too many people too close. An autistic person will not be able to tolerate an environment which overloads their sensory limits. Forcing them to do so would be potentially traumatic and damaging.
There is the anxiety related issues surrounding such environments, this may include social anxiety due to finding social interactions difficult. It may be sensory anxiety due to the overwhelming sensory overload in such places.
Personally I just do not enjoy visiting social venues due to a combination of all of the above and more. I do not see any benefit in 'pushing myself' into such an environment that overwhelms and distresses me.
I am not sure of the context in which you use the term 'push yourself' but that phrase is a pet hate of mine. As I have briefly explained it is potentially damaging to an autistic person to 'push themselves beyond their limits. Friends and family members should not try to do so either. If an autistic person expresses indicators of sensory distress then their suffering should be acknowledged and steps taken to reduce that distress.
May I ask, why do you ask? Is this research you are hoping to conduct? The scope of your question is very broad, yet you presume there to be just "the barrier"?
I really struggle to start conversations. It's hard for me just to go up and talk to someone, even someone I know. Sometimes even my spouse if it's something important.
I've found that since I started dying my hair pink or purple, people come up and talk to me more, to ask about my hair or because they find it interesting.
I also have difficulty finding my way in group conversations. I can't find the gaps in the conversation or get my words out fast enough before someone else is speaking. There's no way around this except for other people being kind and patient and making the effort to include me.
If a place is very crowded I struggle to process (and thus understand) the voices over the background noise of other conversations or sounds (since most people seem to have generally similar talking volume ranges), which is very annoying because I have to lean in to hear and then still cannot hear.
I have to ask people to speak up (so they are louder than the background noise) despite I can "hear a pin drop" (literally) at home. It's embarassing but because I'd rather not say it's because of autism I just don't correct people if they assume it's actually a hearing impairment.
I just don't go and meet people if I think there's a chance the venue will be very big or very busy because it doesn't matter how well I can hold a conversation if I can't hear to have it in the first place. Especially if I will be under pressure to talk to more than one person. (Usually that one person is the person I'll be physically sat closest to so actually have half a chance to hear over others for example.)
Edit: This may or may not be relevant but since you asked about what do we "have in place" (I presume to help or cope with the struggles) I have started wearing large badges that ask people to speak up. I got them from stores on Etsy if you'd like to check them out and support the sellers (as I suspect they are either fellow autists or otherwise also neurodiverse themseves). https://www.etsy.com/listing/1095540693/hidden-disabilities-pin-badges-visual?click_key=a10b85f9f7d98f8efdff379f2df66a3a5c8ffdb1%3A1095540693&click_sum=d34e70d6&ref=shop_home_recs_2&crt=1&sts=1
and
https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/PawsitivePins?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=1083463855
