Unable to cope with adult life

I relate so much to your situation. I am in my 50s and have relied a lot on my mum throughout my adult life. It has been a partnership that worked well. She has helped me with things I find hard, such as phone calls or anything requiring verbal interaction with others. In turn I have helped her with things she cannot do physically, due to her long term health conditions.

The problem is that now she is in her 80s and increasingly frail. She is no longer able to help me with things like phone calls as she would have done in the past. In addition she now completely relies on me for almost everything that she previously would have been able to deal with herself in managing her own life.

Life is difficult. Everything is difficult. Every day is a constant struggle. I don't have anyone else who can help. I have no friends or any other relatives. I live in constant fear of something going wrong in the house or car or with my mum's health. If something like that happens it puts me into complete panic mode and I become extremely overwhelmed. I try to deal with things myself as much as I can, but then something will inevitably not go to plan and it becomes too much.

I too have given up on mental health or any other services being able to provide any meaningful support. I think they'd already given up on me. I agree they just treat you as if you're depressed and there is little or no understanding of the ongoing difficulties an autistic person has. 

I understand the feeling that life has passed you by. I feel like that sometimes too. It is hard to see a future for myself, being completely alone all the time. At the same time, like you, I find any in person verbal interaction too demanding and overwhelming. I am thankful that there are online communities like this, where there is much more understanding than out in the 'real world'.

That's a lot of negativity I've just written and I'm conscious that it probably isn't helping. However I hope there is some comfort from knowing that you are not alone in the challenges you are facing.

Violet said:

I should be able to do these basic things and yet it's like the words to deal with these kind of situations just aren't in my brain.

This is an area where you can change the way you think about the situation. Since you're posting here I assume you're autistic. Many autistic people have difficulties with verbal communication and phone calls in particular. I know I certainly do. My brain struggles to process what has been said to me and the words to reply either aren't there or don't appear quickly enough. Thinking that you should be able to do these things is unnecessarily hard on yourself and is simply not true. Acknowledging and being more open about your autism and difficulties communicating should help you to stop feeling so like a failure.

One thing that does help is to try to make communication happen in the way that works best for you. Email or online chat are far better than trying to talk on the phone, as you can take as much time as you need to think about what you need to say.  If necessary you can ask for reasonable adjustments when dealing with any kind of business or service.

I relate so much to your situation. I am in my 50s and have relied a lot on my mum throughout my adult life. It has been a partnership that worked well. She has helped me with things I find hard, such as phone calls or anything requiring verbal interaction with others. In turn I have helped her with things she cannot do physically, due to her long term health conditions.

The problem is that now she is in her 80s and increasingly frail. She is no longer able to help me with things like phone calls as she would have done in the past. In addition she now completely relies on me for almost everything that she previously would have been able to deal with herself in managing her own life.

Life is difficult. Everything is difficult. Every day is a constant struggle. I don't have anyone else who can help. I have no friends or any other relatives. I live in constant fear of something going wrong in the house or car or with my mum's health. If something like that happens it puts me into complete panic mode and I become extremely overwhelmed. I try to deal with things myself as much as I can, but then something will inevitably not go to plan and it becomes too much.

I too have given up on mental health or any other services being able to provide any meaningful support. I think they'd already given up on me. I agree they just treat you as if you're depressed and there is little or no understanding of the ongoing difficulties an autistic person has. 

I understand the feeling that life has passed you by. I feel like that sometimes too. It is hard to see a future for myself, being completely alone all the time. At the same time, like you, I find any in person verbal interaction too demanding and overwhelming. I am thankful that there are online communities like this, where there is much more understanding than out in the 'real world'.

That's a lot of negativity I've just written and I'm conscious that it probably isn't helping. However I hope there is some comfort from knowing that you are not alone in the challenges you are facing.

Violet said:

I should be able to do these basic things and yet it's like the words to deal with these kind of situations just aren't in my brain.

This is an area where you can change the way you think about the situation. Since you're posting here I assume you're autistic. Many autistic people have difficulties with verbal communication and phone calls in particular. I know I certainly do. My brain struggles to process what has been said to me and the words to reply either aren't there or don't appear quickly enough. Thinking that you should be able to do these things is unnecessarily hard on yourself and is simply not true. Acknowledging and being more open about your autism and difficulties communicating should help you to stop feeling so like a failure.

One thing that does help is to try to make communication happen in the way that works best for you. Email or online chat are far better than trying to talk on the phone, as you can take as much time as you need to think about what you need to say.  If necessary you can ask for reasonable adjustments when dealing with any kind of business or service.