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I am heartbroken

NAS83027

Just needed to say this somewhere.

I am heartbroken. 

I am not saying who but someone very close to me said they were uncomfortable with me sometimes and it has broken my heart. I try to act normal and I try to follow the rules that I made for myself that I think a normal person would do but alas it want enough and because of my autism I have made someone I love feel uncomfortable and I cannot forgive myself.

I wish I never had autism.

  • It is very healthy that you are processing what you have been told.  It is very healthy that someone was kind enough to tell you about it too.

    Don't panic and don't dwell too long about what HAS happened, but apply your new found knowledge to improve how you will operate in the future so that you are less likely to feel like this again.

    Autism comes with challenges but it also comes with clear minded brilliance at times too.

    We are all continually learning how to get closer to our brilliant potential......stick with it.

    Best of luck and I hope your mood will pick up soon.  It sounds to me that you are going to be better than fine - in the final analysis.

  • Well done on expressing yourself around this.  That is courageous. 

  • I don't think you should blame yourself. You didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.

    What are your rules? My wife suggested recently that when I mask (which mostly manifests as being very quiet and not joining in the conversation), I come across as less "normal"  than if I was just myself.

  • Are your rules about trying to be "normal"?  Masking isn't good for us and inevitably the mask will slip anyway. 

    Does your friend know you are autistic? Could you try saying look: 'I am just me being me. And that me is autistic.  If I did something to hurt you, I'm sorry, but otherwise my quirks and foibles are just my quirks and foibles.  To love me is to love me as I am.'  Something along those lines.

    Otherwise, I hope you can forgive yourself, because unless you deliberately set out to hurt someone, you didn't do anything wrong. 

  • Im getting this alot lately...normal people dont so this or that...it hurts alot specially when you know your trying.