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Exhausted with other people.

NAS82738

Hi everyone. I'm new to this site.  I'm 41 and have just figured out that I am autistic. It's been a life changer for me.  However, it's also really making me question if I want to bother with other people and friendships. I've struggled with keeping friends my whole life. There always seems to be a misunderstanding that happens and things end up blowing up.  I'm just very tired of going through this over and over. 

I have a husband and a couple of friends that I talk to regularly.  I still struggle to trust them. Even people I've known for decades, I still find myself not really trusting them. It's hard for me. I just feel that no matter what I do, people always misunderstand.

I'm really just venting more than anything. Have any of you felt like this?  At 41, it's just hard to try to relearn how to socialize and be "normal."  I just don't have the energy.

Parents
  • NAS82738 said:
    At 41, it's just hard to try to relearn how to socialize and be "normal."  I just don't have the energy.

    Welcome Relaxed

    It may be stating the obvious but you don't need to do this at all. Now that you've figured out you're autistic why try to be "normal"? That is masking and not good for you, which is why you find it exhausting. If you keep trying to do this it may well lead to autistic burnout.

    However not masking is easier said than done. It is likely you will have been masking to some extent since childhood. It will be a difficult and gradual process for you to try and shed the mask and figure out the real self underneath.

    Being social isn't compulsory. If you don't enjoy then why do it.

Reply
  • NAS82738 said:
    At 41, it's just hard to try to relearn how to socialize and be "normal."  I just don't have the energy.

    Welcome Relaxed

    It may be stating the obvious but you don't need to do this at all. Now that you've figured out you're autistic why try to be "normal"? That is masking and not good for you, which is why you find it exhausting. If you keep trying to do this it may well lead to autistic burnout.

    However not masking is easier said than done. It is likely you will have been masking to some extent since childhood. It will be a difficult and gradual process for you to try and shed the mask and figure out the real self underneath.

    Being social isn't compulsory. If you don't enjoy then why do it.

Children
  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I have tried several social "masks" over my lifetime.

    I've got several that work really well in specific social circumstances. In my case, my real self is offensive and harmful to a significant portion of society, for reasons entirely beyond my control, (It's their problem!) and it is in most occasions for me and them, a kindness or loving act to wear it.