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Exhausted with other people.

NAS82738

Hi everyone. I'm new to this site.  I'm 41 and have just figured out that I am autistic. It's been a life changer for me.  However, it's also really making me question if I want to bother with other people and friendships. I've struggled with keeping friends my whole life. There always seems to be a misunderstanding that happens and things end up blowing up.  I'm just very tired of going through this over and over. 

I have a husband and a couple of friends that I talk to regularly.  I still struggle to trust them. Even people I've known for decades, I still find myself not really trusting them. It's hard for me. I just feel that no matter what I do, people always misunderstand.

I'm really just venting more than anything. Have any of you felt like this?  At 41, it's just hard to try to relearn how to socialize and be "normal."  I just don't have the energy.

Parents

  • Hi and welcome.

    In a similar position myself - I'm 51yo, was diagnosed last year, have always been an introvert, have always preferred to keep my own company, I'm wary of people, I feel like they're wary of me and I generally find social interaction exhausting.

    Since my diagnosis I put a lot less pressure on myself to be (neurotypically) 'normal'.

    I'm in a long-term relationship with someone great - but maintaining that really does take up most of the energy I have for dealing with people.

    My partner and I have made some changes to our social life to help with this. Things that I previously would have suffered through unnecessarily because I felt obliged or because it was expected or assumed - now we just agree that if I don't want or need to be involved then it's no problem if I'm not. This works for both of us.

    I do think there are some 'edges' - I don't think it's healthy to lose basic social skills and we still have to operate in a neurotypical world day to day - but socialising at the cost of your own mental health for no other reason than because its what neurotypical society expects or assumes? That doesn't make sense to me.

  • in reply to NAS90609
    NAS90609 said:
    My partner and I have made some changes to our social life to help with this. Things that I previously would have suffered through unnecessarily because I felt obliged or because it was expected or assumed - now we just agree that if I don't want or need to be involved then it's no problem if I'm not. This works for both of us.

    This is really good to read.

  • in reply to James

    It is a tour de force post! I wish I'd written it. 

    I'd just add that dealing with the people annoyances with love and good humour, and where you know you can weather the discomfort and it'll make someone happy to see you, still try and "do" socialising. 

    I have an emerging  policy of "Love them or Ignore them" now that is really making me a lot happier, post diagnosis. 

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  • in reply to James

    It is a tour de force post! I wish I'd written it. 

    I'd just add that dealing with the people annoyances with love and good humour, and where you know you can weather the discomfort and it'll make someone happy to see you, still try and "do" socialising. 

    I have an emerging  policy of "Love them or Ignore them" now that is really making me a lot happier, post diagnosis. 

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