Attachment theory.

In our current society this is certainly true.. let's see how long this prevails. However human dignity has no price and that's what poor people are rich of. My model in life are african women ;)

The pay is rubbish though! At least in monetary terms...

Thank you very much!!! It is very useful to my son and I as well as to other parents I talk to. Standing straight in ones shoes defending own values no matter what, that's my "winner" definition.  

Stockholm Syndrome.

All Iknow is that the majority of the human race seems to be in an abusive relationship with our "leaders", and it's not as obvious as it should be who actually "Calls the shots"...

I'm a survivor, too, rather than a victim.

I managed to escape the Covid Hysteria; took several tests, all of which Negative. The scenario was handled sans Vaccine.

Now, I can see as clear as day, that the objective is perpetual Lib/Lab Coalition. The TINOs are their mercenaries. Boris Johnson's authority was undermined; from day one. Liz Truss was screwed over even before she set foot at Number 10. Innocent, until proven Tory. 

For your son, if he enjoys reading try "the moon is a harsh mistress" (OH god, I hope I remembered the right novel!) a book that taught me too good ideas MYOB and TAANSTAFL

"Mind your own business", and "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch".  Both phrases describe quite deep truths that seem to underpin hope reality really works.

To learn why"People" & "Relationships" don't work for you the way you'd like them to, I always recommend "Games People Play" by Eric Berne.

Your son may (once he gets past the obvious question of "who the heck want to catch flies?") might see the utility of the saying, "You catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar". 

I personally really enjoy excercising "Skill" at virtuoso levels if I can manage them, and with no-one noticing or passing comment, ideally.

"Being nice" is a skill, for me. As often as I can manage, it is genuine, but I get a real rush out of being able to keep a nice attitude in the face of severe provocation. It's not easy, like trying to ride a motorcycle fast without falling off, and took me ages to get even halfway competent. But being nice sometimes seems pointless, and on those days, at least I can appreciate my own skill. 

AND If you ever slide into the sort of paralysing depression where you simply cannot do anything to improve your own position, and are feeling so defeated that you don't even want to try, yet everyone else seems to have it much easier than you, and they have problems unlike yours that are solvable....

..Pick one of those people who have it better than you and go help them anyway with their easy problem. IF it was indeed easy for you, yo will feel a little sense of achievement and that you aren't quite powerless after all, AND if you are really lucky, they might feel grateful and that might benefit you in the short or long term..

Don't know if any of that stuff is useful.  I do know as far as I am able to determine I "walk my own talk" as far as I am able when it comes to the ideas and absolutes I may express, I am old enough to have the opportunity and have been desperate enough to try many strategies for life, and I would not say I've been called a "winner" very often, but I have been called a "survivor" on many occasions and across many situations. 

good point

Thank you for this insightful explanation! Do you have recommandations for such books? 

I largely agree with you although I live it in slighlty less absolute terms so I use a different distance with each people which changes with experiences from quite close to infinity (when in groups, group dynamic alters them so it is a different story).

Any tip to teach my autistic son how to "be kind"? He doesn't see the point so far or has not enough self control I am not sure. He is a very sweet and loyal guy in intimacy and starts taking my own needs into account sometimes but not other's yet.

From my perspective the normies float about all day in a cloud of mendacity and general mutual deception that I find incomprehensible, and incompatible with the act of forming a relationship.

Yet they effortlessly (it seems) drift in and out of all sorts of human relationships, whilst some of my fellow 'spergs, (and me as a youngster) can only look on wistfully. 

I found that learning the mechanics of relationships, from textbooks, (It's no point studying normies, they lie constantly, whereas some textbooks don't seem to lie at all) allowed me to select ways of behaving that made me more "viable" and able to sustain and develop my relationships.

I could say, "what works for getting a partner is to be honest and be generous of spirit" and end it there, but it still does not tell people HOW.

Studying how relationships work in the same way you'd study anything else that you want to be able to do well, works. 

The process of learning how to "be kind", (if you are not a genuine psychopath) changes the individual profoundly which in turn makes them much, much more likely to get, and hopefully sustain the relationship which many need in order to function as a happy and contented human being. 

Could it be that you overestimate the depth of the relationships between "normies"? Attachement theory is for very intimate relationships while most social hang arounds are rather shallow I find. It has more to do with untertainment than with attachement I'd say. 

You are right. We all have attachments styles, different from attachment disorders.

Too much bad s**t, behind closed doors.

The result is either codependency, or dissociation. 

I was more wondering if it would be a source of insight as to "how relationships work" for those of us who lack the "built in guide" that most normies seem to be equipped with, more than as a method of identifying and treating specific problems.

Not that any of that, detracts from your interesting added insights.   

Very familiar with it as I work in a department which deals with children in care. Many of them have attachment disorders due to their early traumas.

This can affect autistic people too, but also there are some features of autism that can be mistaken for an attachment disorder. As a kid I had zero inclination to spend time with my mother and was mostly not bothered whether she was there or not, and often irritated when she tried to show an interest in my life.  But an 'attachment avoidant' child, who on the surface is indifferent to the patent, would actually be experiencing extreme anxiety without their presence. I experienced no such anxiety. I just genuinely wanted my own space to do my own thing without any human intervention. Different thing.

There are other autistic people who report huge dependency on one parent. Often it's based on fear of insecurity in an ever changing world without them. Not quite the same thing, either.

Attachment theory is mega useful, but care should be taken in determining whether attachment problems are there or not in autistic people. Sometimes, our attachments are just, well, normally autistic.

Nice! I also studied it some time ago and found it useful but in the end a bit simplistic. Maybe ego development theory also helps to put a context between needs at infancy time and current needs and there I really wish to find an ego development theory adjusted to autism as there could well be a significant difference in that aspect (please correct me if you disagree!): www.institute4learning.com/.../