Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed last year as autistic, I've got a 6 year old son who I love more than anything else in the world but I feel like I'm failing him. My confidence and self esteem is in absolute bits, I overthink everything, am really anxious and question myself about everything.
I hate that there is no rule book for being a mum, I struggle with chatting to other mums in the playground everyone else makes it look so easy and I feel like I'm an outsider.
I'm scared my son will grow up and think I was an awful mum, I try so hard to be patient and kind but sometimes when he doesn't listen I feel so frustrated and it makes me feel like a bad person.
Has anyone felt this way? I feel like my ability to communicate with people has shrunk so much since the pandemic, and it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore like I'm having an identity crisis but don't know how to get out of it.
I'm not an autistic mum but I am an autistic dad. I absolutely hate the chatting to other parents thing and feel like a completely outsider in these types of situations just like you do.
Fitting in with these parents is not always the best thing for your child anyway, in kids groups I'd actually have fun interacting with the kids rather than sitting drinking tea and gossiping with the parents.
A good parent loves and cares for their child, thinks carefully about their needs and how to fulfil them, thinks about how to give them opportunities, experiences and adventures. Concentrate on this instead of being distracted by the expectations of others.
Also if you are having a hard time and struggling to cope then _talk_ to your kid. Don't shout at them or tell them what to do, explain that you are feeling overwhelmed, ask them what they think you should both do to help the situation. It's not you failing to cope, you are just one part of the equation, your child and the situation you are in is the other, see what you can do to change those.