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I wish I could go back in time, I miss everyone I've ever met

Ryu

I get attached to people very easily and get very sad when they leave my life. People can't cope with my intensity but they don't understand that I'm obsessive with everything. I like to know details about all the people I know.

I've lost friends because of my autism and they are afraid because they don't understand.

I want to drink to get rid of the pain, or feel suicidal because I miss people so much and I'm lonely. It's very hard to find a friend with the same interests as me or the same enthusiasm for a friendship.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Ryu

Parents

  • This will be part of the Autistic experience, as we are impacted intensely. We have a difficult time dulling our senses like our neurotypcal peers, for a yet-as-unknown reason. So absolutely everything impacts us with a great deal more intensity, at a very intimate level, be it sound or aesthetic (smells, touch), psychological, intellectual or emotional. It's this deep impact that creates trauma with every day surroundings non-autistic individuals seem to filter out. There were some theories on this started in the 1950's which have never (to my knowledge) been examined properly by neuroscience. 

    Regardless, I think it's important to find a balance. I've tried to be respectful of friends who don't have this kind of impact, now more that I know there is a hard difference. Before I understood this was one of the few very remarkable differences, I thought others were a bit mad or even sad to not be able to perceive the way I did. 

    But now, I've come to realise when humans with a capacity to filter sense perception out do so, it also means they just don't have the kind of emotional polarising effect I do, nor are they as impacted as deep. I've come to learn it's better to learn what I value and find others who value the same. The heart is a volatile and beautiful place, better protected from those who don't understand and deeply, but sparingly given to those who do. Choose your friends wisely, we don't need many, just the right ones will do :)

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    This is so beautifully put. I can relate to evertyhthing you say here, and to the other posters too. I want to add further thoughts but will have to do so later - right now it hits so close to home that it hurts intensely, even as it assures me that I'm not alone. Thanks, Ryu, for raising this crucial topic in the way you have. 

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