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Relationship unwritten rules, not sure what this means?

NAS62142

I’ve been talking to someone on social media for a while (they are also autistic) and I almost certainly know that I am romantically attracted to them. I’ve been afraid to tell them exactly how I feel and ask them out on a date (they don’t follow me online so I’ve been scared as to if they even like me, but the person is always nice when we speak and gives me autism-related advice when something in my life is tough or I have a question). However, I tried being more subtle and asked if they would be open to a relationship with the right person of if they are happy single. They replied saying they are happily single, but then they still say like “I’m a mood”. when I talk about wanting a partner and say they want to go on more dates themselves. Also, I called them cute ones and they said thanks - Not sure if that’s a good thing or not?!

The long and short of it is, When they say they are happily single in this context, do you think they mean they are opposed to any dates and relationships with anyone at the moment, or could they be, but they’re just not particularly bothered or focused on it?

  • sounds like they wanna stay single but yet they wanna satisfy their sexual moods when that comes knocking.

  • in reply to Martin

    Ditto. And, of course, this person is autistic too. They may never work out that you like them that way unless you say so explicitly.

    In these situations we just have to be prepared for the fact that stating what we feel could either lead to a happy ending or meet with rejection. It's a risk, but the rejection can generally be dealt with with dignity.

  • Maybe you should wait for a bit longer to see if they seem more open to a romantic relationship. The timing could be important because some people need longer than others to commit themselves to another person. Friendships can blossom into love but I think patience is needed here because you don't want to blow your chances by coming on too strong too soon. I would say though that one cannot force a relationship onto another person so tread carefully.   

  • to add in the end, just don't take it personally if they say ''No, thank you''. It'll mean they're not interested in anybody most likely, as they said ''Happily single''

  • "I completely respect you're happily single, but would you want to go on a date with me? I thought it couldn't hurt to ask. You can also say no and continue to give me amazing advice as a happily single individual. Here's to hoping!"

    Seems simple. Open, honest, direct, respectful, fun. Or maintain and carry on.

  • I can’t see any references they’ve made to show that they are romantically interested in you.

    Giving advice, texting, and being polite in thanking you for a compliment are not signs they are interested. These, coupled with the fact they’ve expressed they are happy single says a lot. 

  • The only way of finding out is to ask them directly. If you can accept them saying they do not want to see you romantically, then you have nothing to lose. Being autistic, I found wearing your heart on your sleeve and being very open about your feelings for someone, and chancing rejection, was the only way anything happened. I'm afraid, being subtle as an autistic does not work, as we really have trouble knowing the rules of flirtation.