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I am profoundly depressed!

NAS73676

I am very deranged with a history of delusions and mania, I am just looking for help and it's very hard to apply for one.
I want to commit suicide, but I can't take it anymore. I am sorry!

Parents

  • I feel like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do— not skipping meals, cooking a lot, working, exercising, having hobbies and friends, taking my meds, and still I’m struggling. Anxiety, depression, and eating disorder tendencies/terrible body image are still negatively affecting my life.

    Even though I’m having more good days due to my healthier routine, when I have bad days, (or more commonly, nights), it wrecks me for a few days. I’m trying to figure out what to say to my therapist and psychiatrist at my next appointments but I just feel like what else can I really do? More meds, different meds, who knows, it feels like a crapshoot.

    The desire to give in to the depression is so, so strong and it’s pulling on me so badly that I’m near tears at my desk just thinking about it.

Reply

  • I feel like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do— not skipping meals, cooking a lot, working, exercising, having hobbies and friends, taking my meds, and still I’m struggling. Anxiety, depression, and eating disorder tendencies/terrible body image are still negatively affecting my life.

    Even though I’m having more good days due to my healthier routine, when I have bad days, (or more commonly, nights), it wrecks me for a few days. I’m trying to figure out what to say to my therapist and psychiatrist at my next appointments but I just feel like what else can I really do? More meds, different meds, who knows, it feels like a crapshoot.

    The desire to give in to the depression is so, so strong and it’s pulling on me so badly that I’m near tears at my desk just thinking about it.

Children
  • in reply to NAS80442

    I can identify with that thing with your therapist. I have so many points during the week where I think ‘just this trigger, this moment, this intensely awful feeling could take up the fifty mins on its own’. Then the next few days bring several additional moments of overwhelm, each seeming to demand that it is the most pressing one to talk about. But somehow, come the session, many of those things sit behind a locked door, embarrassingly elusive when they were so important just days or hours before. I’ll still find words - too many!- spilling out of me (sometimes I go mute, or struggle to form sentences but mostly it just pours out) but the time flies past so quickly that the surface is barely scratched. And I have to go back to  a week of waiting before I once again say anything overt about the fundamental weirdness and hardship of just existing inside this head while everyone else makes  it all look so easy. 

  • in reply to NAS80442

    Hi , I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. If you feel that you might need some further support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help. 

    All the best,

    Anna Mod