Am I really defiant? I don't mean to sound like that I have Oppositional Defiant disorder, but I am against authority, but only if authorities are wrong.
Am I really defiant? I don't mean to sound like that I have Oppositional Defiant disorder, but I am against authority, but only if authorities are wrong.
That's a tough one. Have you an example? But, I'd concur that if you are asking, it's suggestive that there's some thought before you act here...
As far as I can see ODD would mean you are always picking the argument and refusing to comply for apparently the sake of it, albeit their would be psychological vulnerabilities underneath that.
But defiance and opposition are not per se bad things. No social injustice, prejudice or abuse of authority would ever be challenged or corrected if somebody, somewhere wasn't prepared to be the brave soul who stands in opposition to that and defies authority. No human rights would ever be won, nor the human condition ever improved. And trouble is, when a person stands in opposition to great wrong, the system demonizes them as the opponent; Nelson Mandela spent decades in prison, for instance.
However, when dealing representives of institutions; authority figures, it can be a challenge as autistic people to work out their intention and motive. Is it that this person is incompetent or abusing their power? Or is it that they are caught within a system that they actually don't like but are genuinely trying to do their best within? Is it that, actually, they have a point we haven't understood?
Authorities make mistakes. They can blame you for their inadequacy. They can also be trying to do their best with poor resource. And they can be right. The fact that you add: "only when they are wrong", shows some genuine intent to tease that apart, but you might be missing some clues to tell you when to oppose something and when to comply. It might be you need to start by getting them to explicitly state their reasons and intentions and take moment to think through their logic. Is it something you can negotiate with them about or should you just refuse? Sometimes it's a though call.
It's not for us to say you do or don't have ODD, we aren't qualified to diagnose. But if you don't, it could be you have an autistic fire for justice (good thing) combining with an autistic difficulty in understanding the other (tricky thing - but you can work out some strategies around that).
I always used to say to my son as a teenager: "learn the rules, then break them", meaning learn what they are and why they are there, then decide which you should obey and which ought rightly to be broken. But that should be a cold, sober moral choice, irrespective of our emotions.
If you don't feel it fits, maybe you should challenge the diagnosis.
not
understanding
because we do understand it
but observing,
we struggle to spot and discern when others do not behave justly and lawfully
I really, really struggle when people do no behave justly, and I really really struggle with accepting things that are wrong, illogical, unjust and unfair etc. It makes me feel so angry when I get told I should just accept things, I don't know why other people would want to accept it. Or why we should accept it. I still expect people to act with morality and good reason, because I cannot understand why they would not, I am distraught every time when I find they do not and even more distraught when I find this is apparently acceptable. I try and understand it but I can't. I cannot explain how much it upsets me. The only way to accept it is to allow some part of yourself to die! Also, sometimes the law allows people to do terrible immoral things and prevents you from doing innocent and right things. And it feels as though hardly anyone cares! It is another reason why this world is so difficult to happily exist in.
I really, really struggle when people do no behave justly, and I really really struggle with accepting things that are wrong, illogical, unjust and unfair etc. It makes me feel so angry when I get told I should just accept things, I don't know why other people would want to accept it. Or why we should accept it. I still expect people to act with morality and good reason, because I cannot understand why they would not, I am distraught every time when I find they do not and even more distraught when I find this is apparently acceptable. I try and understand it but I can't. I cannot explain how much it upsets me. The only way to accept it is to allow some part of yourself to die! Also, sometimes the law allows people to do terrible immoral things and prevents you from doing innocent and right things. And it feels as though hardly anyone cares! It is another reason why this world is so difficult to happily exist in.
I've been suffering from exactly these feelings all my life. First I rebelled and became an unpleasant person myself, but then I calmed down and started to WORK the problems. I discovered that myself from some peoples perspective, I am the bad guy. and that won't change unless they do, or unless I change certain behaviours that I am not going to change on principle.
The law is way too complicated and unweildy for the average man meaning that you have to have a special (and expensive) class of people to translate it for you, (or at the very least have shadowed a previous partner studies as she did a law degree) to have any chance of making it work for you. So you've correctly identified that it is very imperfect and somewhat IRRELEVANT to YOUR life, except when it finds fault with YOU.
I've found that channelling my own resentments and dissatisfactions into trying to create a better more perfect system (Create, not implement) for the last twenty years has given me a lot of comfort in some ways and made things worse in others. But as an Autist you are gifted with being able to see "how things really are" and if you use your rebelliousness to resist being "sold the lie" you can eventually start to see how things really work, in the real world & not the bullshine being peddled in the mass media.
OF course I ended up RAPIDLY becoming a "conspiracy theorist" (and that is a bit of a problem when you are surrounded by angry sleepwalkers all giving knee jerk reactions to the latest propaganda points) BUT seeing things as they really are not how some one else wants you to see them, is occasionally super-empowering.
Have you ever heard the start of the Moody Blues "on the threshold of a dream"?
(It starts slow but is worth the wait..)
