Unmasking and becoming more disabled

Hey everyone, hope we're all good. I'm 24 and only just realising I may be the spectrum, and things are already proving to be difficult, it's hitting like a tone of bricks.

Been reading a lot lately about the concept of masking and it really speaks to me, especially 'scripting'  conversations from preparing topics, subjects and jokes in advance to people, I still constantly have imaginary conversations in my head to people. This is what I've done my whole life, I have to do to this to have preparation. I've always struggled socially in life, yet I'm not a shy person at all, I can speak to crowds. I'm absolutely different. How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

I'm also becoming much more forgetful now as a person, as though ADHD is kicking in. I'm on a 2 year waiting list, I cannot wait this long. I'm also hypersensitive to loud noise, and I'm generally worried how well I'm functioning now. 

Parents
  • What do you mean "becoming more disabled"? If you mean that once you realise you may be autistic your autistic traits seem to be becoming stronger and you seem less capable of doing stuff then I really understand. That has happened to me and it happens to a lot of us. I think its cos we are so used to masking that we almost mask with ourselves and dont let ourselves admit how autistic we are. once we start to realise it it all comes out

    Im on a waiting list too so I understand. It does hit you like a train when you first find out but it also makes your whole life make sense and you can start to get to know yourself properly 

  • This. It’s why I felt my identity had been pulled from under me. I realised how much I had been masking and decided to be more honest to myself. Now I wonder if I’ve opened Pandora’s Box. 

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