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Unmasking and becoming more disabled

NAS81317

Hey everyone, hope we're all good. I'm 24 and only just realising I may be the spectrum, and things are already proving to be difficult, it's hitting like a tone of bricks.

Been reading a lot lately about the concept of masking and it really speaks to me, especially 'scripting'  conversations from preparing topics, subjects and jokes in advance to people, I still constantly have imaginary conversations in my head to people. This is what I've done my whole life, I have to do to this to have preparation. I've always struggled socially in life, yet I'm not a shy person at all, I can speak to crowds. I'm absolutely different. How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

I'm also becoming much more forgetful now as a person, as though ADHD is kicking in. I'm on a 2 year waiting list, I cannot wait this long. I'm also hypersensitive to loud noise, and I'm generally worried how well I'm functioning now. 

Parents

  • You say you are becoming more disabled, can you change your environment? 

    To quote Luke Beardon’s golden equation- Autism + Environment = Outcome. You can always change the environment to suit your autistic neurology and needs, therefore reducing the masking and sensory distress.

    NAS81317 said:
    How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

    I know it might be difficult and you may not feel confident enough to do this but trust your autistic instincts. How does conversation go with someone you are really comfortable with or other autistic people for example? 

    Also are you aware that masking is a safety mechanism? It’s not something you can usually control it is unconscious.

    Have you read Kieran Rose‘s resources about masking? They might be helpful:

    https://theautisticadvocate.com/autistic-masking/

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    It feels like I'm becoming more disabled now with how forgetful I'm becoming. In life, I always picture myself from the outside as though someone's watching me, it keeps me self-aware at all times. I'm now doing my best just only focusing on my own point of view, and it's polarising so far. Reality does feel sharper, yet it's as though I don't know how to look after myself anymore.

    I desperately want to unmask, but at what cost? It's as though my constant state of self-awareness is needed to function, both in remembering things and socialising. Thanks a lot for the recommendation, I'll check it out! 

  • in reply to NAS81317

    I've been diagnosed with ASD today and the forgetfulness you describe has been explained by the psychologist as my response to environmental anxiety. She said I need regular sensory breaks as part of a "sensory diet" to stop my anxiety building up through the day. I've not been diagnosed with anything other than ASD, even though I suspected ADHD.

  • in reply to TheJay
    TheJay said:
    Go into a quiet dark room, close my eyes and do nothing for 10 minutes. Repeat throughout the day to avoid the accumulation

    that's what i started doing in my new job.

    From the begining I was pushing them that I need my break split in parts spread over a day to remain productive and functional, good they were OK with that, it really works

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