• Replies 18 replies
  • Subscribers 12 subscribers
  • Views 2958 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Unmasking and becoming more disabled

NAS81317

Hey everyone, hope we're all good. I'm 24 and only just realising I may be the spectrum, and things are already proving to be difficult, it's hitting like a tone of bricks.

Been reading a lot lately about the concept of masking and it really speaks to me, especially 'scripting'  conversations from preparing topics, subjects and jokes in advance to people, I still constantly have imaginary conversations in my head to people. This is what I've done my whole life, I have to do to this to have preparation. I've always struggled socially in life, yet I'm not a shy person at all, I can speak to crowds. I'm absolutely different. How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

I'm also becoming much more forgetful now as a person, as though ADHD is kicking in. I'm on a 2 year waiting list, I cannot wait this long. I'm also hypersensitive to loud noise, and I'm generally worried how well I'm functioning now. 

Parents

  • You say you are becoming more disabled, can you change your environment? 

    To quote Luke Beardon’s golden equation- Autism + Environment = Outcome. You can always change the environment to suit your autistic neurology and needs, therefore reducing the masking and sensory distress.

    NAS81317 said:
    How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

    I know it might be difficult and you may not feel confident enough to do this but trust your autistic instincts. How does conversation go with someone you are really comfortable with or other autistic people for example? 

    Also are you aware that masking is a safety mechanism? It’s not something you can usually control it is unconscious.

    Have you read Kieran Rose‘s resources about masking? They might be helpful:

    https://theautisticadvocate.com/autistic-masking/

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    It feels like I'm becoming more disabled now with how forgetful I'm becoming. In life, I always picture myself from the outside as though someone's watching me, it keeps me self-aware at all times. I'm now doing my best just only focusing on my own point of view, and it's polarising so far. Reality does feel sharper, yet it's as though I don't know how to look after myself anymore.

    I desperately want to unmask, but at what cost? It's as though my constant state of self-awareness is needed to function, both in remembering things and socialising. Thanks a lot for the recommendation, I'll check it out! 

  • in reply to NAS81317

    I am sorry you feel like this, being very forgetful must be quite frustrating.

    Do you use reminders for everyday tasks or for example link important information to your dedicated interests?

    I understand what you mean about unmasking, it is a very long process and can only happen when you feel safe in your environment. Masking a lot is not healthy, you should feel happy and accepted as your autistic self. In order to unmask you could starting learning more about your autistic experience and your needs. This should hopefully help you understand the difference between your innate autistic self and the masked version.

    Alternatively, like you do on this forum you could try mixing more with other autistics because you should feel safe to completely unmask and be much more comfortable socially.

     You are very welcome. I am glad my recommendation is helpful.

    By the way, Kieran Rose has written and delivered an online course on autistic masking, the consequences and how to unmask. It is available to access on his website under online learning. This may be useful for you.

    Hopefully others on this forum will be able to offer you more advice. 

Reply
  • in reply to NAS81317

    I am sorry you feel like this, being very forgetful must be quite frustrating.

    Do you use reminders for everyday tasks or for example link important information to your dedicated interests?

    I understand what you mean about unmasking, it is a very long process and can only happen when you feel safe in your environment. Masking a lot is not healthy, you should feel happy and accepted as your autistic self. In order to unmask you could starting learning more about your autistic experience and your needs. This should hopefully help you understand the difference between your innate autistic self and the masked version.

    Alternatively, like you do on this forum you could try mixing more with other autistics because you should feel safe to completely unmask and be much more comfortable socially.

     You are very welcome. I am glad my recommendation is helpful.

    By the way, Kieran Rose has written and delivered an online course on autistic masking, the consequences and how to unmask. It is available to access on his website under online learning. This may be useful for you.

    Hopefully others on this forum will be able to offer you more advice. 

Children
No Data