Unmasking and becoming more disabled

Hey everyone, hope we're all good. I'm 24 and only just realising I may be the spectrum, and things are already proving to be difficult, it's hitting like a tone of bricks.

Been reading a lot lately about the concept of masking and it really speaks to me, especially 'scripting'  conversations from preparing topics, subjects and jokes in advance to people, I still constantly have imaginary conversations in my head to people. This is what I've done my whole life, I have to do to this to have preparation. I've always struggled socially in life, yet I'm not a shy person at all, I can speak to crowds. I'm absolutely different. How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

I'm also becoming much more forgetful now as a person, as though ADHD is kicking in. I'm on a 2 year waiting list, I cannot wait this long. I'm also hypersensitive to loud noise, and I'm generally worried how well I'm functioning now. 

Parents
  • There's nothing wrong with scripting conversations. Everything requires Prep / Preparation. A Test. Buying a house. Getting ready for work. Actors prepare, Courses are prepared for classrooms, courses are prepped in a kitchen. All of Education is preparation. 

    Growing into one's self can be like waking up from a dream. Not realising I've been hypersensitive all along only finally having breathing space to be consciously aware of it and rather than stuck in a sort of shadow-of-myself survival mode. Like peeling off protective layers.

    Forgetfulness can be created by many things. Stress, added new life stresses one didn't have before or responsibilities. And especially without well-planned parenting to help prepare you for adulthood or help preparing you for each next stage, one can realise they're stumbling through life. Many parents didn't have this either though - it's no one's fault, it's a society we're in. 

    Perhaps it is time to start using a calendar if you don't already or creating reminders / making lists. I have reminders on my phone about my health and gut issues which go off every day. A reminder to stay hydrated. A few times per week, though I'll take Lions Mane or a mushroom complex which can help memory and focus. This doesn't help everyone, but I was around your age when I started taking it as a supplement a few times per week.

Reply
  • There's nothing wrong with scripting conversations. Everything requires Prep / Preparation. A Test. Buying a house. Getting ready for work. Actors prepare, Courses are prepared for classrooms, courses are prepped in a kitchen. All of Education is preparation. 

    Growing into one's self can be like waking up from a dream. Not realising I've been hypersensitive all along only finally having breathing space to be consciously aware of it and rather than stuck in a sort of shadow-of-myself survival mode. Like peeling off protective layers.

    Forgetfulness can be created by many things. Stress, added new life stresses one didn't have before or responsibilities. And especially without well-planned parenting to help prepare you for adulthood or help preparing you for each next stage, one can realise they're stumbling through life. Many parents didn't have this either though - it's no one's fault, it's a society we're in. 

    Perhaps it is time to start using a calendar if you don't already or creating reminders / making lists. I have reminders on my phone about my health and gut issues which go off every day. A reminder to stay hydrated. A few times per week, though I'll take Lions Mane or a mushroom complex which can help memory and focus. This doesn't help everyone, but I was around your age when I started taking it as a supplement a few times per week.

Children