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Mental Illness

NAS80566

I feel kind of lost. I have some really bad bouts with mental illness (depression, anxiety) and I feel like its pushing away my best friend. It happens less now, but I always feel bad when it does.

We were at a party yesterday and part way through I feel the tell tail sign of depression and anxiety seep in. I excuse myself to my car when they are not around to hopefully recover before they notice. But they found me and realized what was wrong. We stayed for a little longer but decided to leave earlier than originally planned. I feel like it was because of me, and I feel like *** because of it.

I was DD that night and when driving home it was getting worse. They could tell I was not doing well and said that I could just drop them at home instead of what we planned.

I feel bad that I ruined the night and now I am afraid they don't want anything to do with me. That they are mad at me.

I don't know what to do and I am afraid to text them

  • Don't beat yourself up, please. Our mind is the worst neighbourhood in the world. 

    I realised that I need time to myself. Perhaps, on Tuesday, I was glad that I got a train to and from Belfast; rather than a bus. More solitude on a train; at daytime.

    Jesus had to retreat to solitude, several times, in the Gospel. He was treated like a Celebrity in Judea. That overwhelmed him. 

  • I told my friends after I recovered from burnout, that  I need to take my mental health more seriously, and so I can go out with them once a month, prefereably somewhere uncrowded, plus a dinner at my home once a month, otherwise I will quickly get worse again, they accepted it as a fact, and so it is now

    on 1st Aug me and two of them are going to have a field trip to escape from city, and go visit Bramble Castle on foot, (10miles one way). get drunk along, without people to bother us, weather prediction is amazing 20C, cloudless, light showers early morning

    Think about it, Do you need to go out with them in between of crowds of drunks? Or would you rather meet them somewhere quite and secluded?

  • First of all, these are not a mental illness. They are difficult and need support, they are important to recognise and affirm but you’re unlikely to end up hospitalised. They’re not a state of mental stability, but they are human. They can both be a sign of something biologically unsound. Do you take anything which helps? 

    Anxiety triggered by a crowd is one thing, anxiety triggered by alcohol is another. Social anxiety might be something to work on, such as becoming aware of your limits and affording yourself exact measures of time in a crowded space. Let your friends know your healthy limit before hand. Exit without apologising! We all need space to breathe. Anxiety from alcohol though could be a serious biological concern and you’ll want to discuss this with your GP.

    Depression however, is different. It’s not a spiral down and mentally beating oneself up. In one extreme it is the absence of our will to survive. This can be good at the end of one’s life when embracing death is necessary. however this state can simply mark a lack of nutrition, nothing a multi vitamin and maybe ashwaganda cannot fix. Or even just taking some sunshine. If this is the case, depression is a signal toward better self-care. 

    Both of these are still Signals, in need of addressing. A real friend who values our friendship and what we bring to that friendship won’t mind if you need to take time out and regroup or spend quality time learning to value and respect your limits and work on yourself. It’s simply good manners to give warning or notice. Once we learn to respect our own boundaries, we begin to value boundaries in others. Respect and kindness in a person make the best of a friendship.