Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve hardly talked to a MH pro about the bullying I was subjected to as a teenager, and the less obvious nastiness at prep school. Yesterday I told my care coordinator(she’s also my depot nurse) it was a major factor re my developing SMI.She asked if it still affected me.I said ‘yes’ . She mentioned trauma. She was visibly shocked when I mentioned being described by other prep school boys as the ‘missing link between man and ape’.The last meal at prep school when someone knowing there’d be no repercussions put tobacco in my cup of tea,so I was violently sick; the monkey chants at public school aimed at me by a classroomful of other boys.
My self confidence/self esteem/sense of self worth is gossamer thin/very brittle. I can get 9 positive comments and the negative 10th one will cut like a rusty knife causing great inner pain. It’s the one I’ll fixate on.
Not great what goes on, but see that you are the better person and hold onto that. You can choose to be not affected by the past or present, you can only build self-confidence/esteem/worth by being OK who with who you are, and exploring yourself, developing yourself. Talking here or elsewhere is good and vital, you could write about your experiences in a blog or on social media, and follow role models that have/might have experienced what you have. Start building the person you want to be, that does more good than any therapy or medication. .