Teenage Anxiety and panic attacks

You are very welcome. It is working out strategies for minimising anxiety that is the difficult part. Once you have a strategy that works it can be trotted out any time it is needed. As part of my job I had to give occasional seminars and other forms of public speaking - on one occasion to around 250 people in the Natural History Museum. I found ways to cope. If I stood still, I would get the 'rabbit in the headlights' effect, so I always moved about when speaking. I always had lots of visuals to deflect some of the attention from me. The usual advice to pick a member of the audience out and deliver the talk to them, does not work with autistics, as talking to one stranger is almost as nerve-wracking as talking to a room-full of them. I just treated the audience as an amorphous mass and that helped a lot. It takes a lot of trial and error to develop useful strategies to cope with anxiety, but it is well worth trying.

Thank you Martin for your reply. It’s encouraging to hear what you have achieved in your personal life as well as your professional career. My son is very bright so has high ambitions it’s just a case of adjusting to this new information we have and choosing the best pathway for him to achieve this.

Thanks again.

Thank you so much for your reply. It’s such early days for us and we have so much to learn and adjust to.  Any advice and experiences are really helpful.

I wish you well.

It would be useful for your son to get a formal clinical diagnosis, as this helps to unlock accommodations from schools, universities and employers. However, some things may be available with a self-identification as autistic, backed up by clinical opinion.

Yes, higher levels of anxiety are common in autistic people, but, with some self-knowledge and coping strategies, the level of anxiety can be kept at bearable levels. I am diagnosed as autistic, with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and social anxiety/phobia. However, I have had a productive and meaningful life. I am married with two talented and intelligent neurodivergent children. I have a PhD in molecular biology and had a 34 year-long career in scientific research. Both autism and its attendant anxiety cause problems that are non-existent for most people, but they do not automatically mean that you have to live a fundamentally circumscribed and unhappy life. 

Hi, It can be a huge change to find out that you are autistic- I am in a similar situation at the moment and I recently found out that I am probably autistic- I am a bit older though (25). I personally wish that I had known sooner as I think that information would have been very useful and could have helped me better deal with some of the challenges I am facing- it can be very exhausting and frustrating to wonder why things that seem so easy for others, are so hard for yourself: Over time I started blaming myself, feeling like I didn't try hard enough. So I think what helps is to think of "knowing that you are autistic" as a useful piece of information that can help you better understand and accept yourself and also possibly better deal with some of the challenges you are facing. For me it was a huge relief to finally have an explanation for my differences. Since realising that I am autistic, I have learnt so much about myself.  Learning about autism and talking to other autistic people and reading about their experiences, helped me see some of my own patterns, made me more self-aware and I am becoming aware of new strategies to try and deal with problems. 

Afterall, we are still the 'same person' before and after the realisation that we might be autistic. I do struggle to come to terms with it at times as well so I can relate to how confusing and difficult it can be. At times I struggle with impostor syndrome (as I am still awaiting official diagnosis) and realising that I am autistic has made me more aware of my differences and struggles in many ways, which can be hard to deal with. It's not that I have all of a sudden become less competent in social situations etc but I am more aware of my struggles and that I am missing so many cues. Sometimes it makes me feel even weirder and more different. I think with time I will get more used to the idea and these feelings will quieten down hopefully. 

You say that your son is worried because so many autistic people are suffering with bad anxiety etc. From what I can tell it is true that a larger proportion of autistic people do struggle with anxiety but that in no way means that all of us do and that we cannot develop good strategies to cope and live happy lives. Plenty of neurotypical people struggle too. I don't know if it helps but I know quite a few autistic people that are leading very happy lives (2 of my autistic friends are currently doing PhDs)- Most of my friends are autistic (I only found out that they are when mentioning the possibility of my own autism)- What is noticeable is that for many of them it really helped them when they realised that they were autistic so that they could better take care of their needs. 

It's a horrible feeling to feel so trapped- I suffer from that too and it is especially difficult when you think the source of your challenges is something you cannot change (like being autistic)- but it is just not true that there is nothing we can change. And the information about the possibility of autism can be so so useful to move forward and to take steps that can make things better. At least this is what I try to tell myself. 

I really hope your son feels less trapped soon and will feel more hopeful soon and maybe realise that the diagnosis could in fact be very useful information. It's so hard and confusing. I'm sending him lots of strength!! 

I forgot to mention, what is really helping me is to talk to other autistic people (for example on this forum)- it is so nice to talk to people on this forum :).