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Loneliness as an autistic person

SummerBerries

God it's so lonely when you're autistic. No-one ever understands. I'm sobbing because the person I thought was my best friend made plans with other people for their bday. And I know they can have other friends but it stings because they're the only person I consider a friend. I'm so terrible at making friends and I'm so hurt that I wasn't invited to their bday. I'm so lonely all the time. I just want friends and nobody understands that I just physically find it impossible to engage with new people which leaves me stuck in the loop of having nobody anymore now I've left school. I'm at uni and because I commute from home I haven't made a single friend there yet either. I'm only posting this to vent really. Because I don't see how anyone can give me helpful advice when I've felt this most of my life. Just so alienated from everyone. It hurts. 

Parents

  • I've just come to terms with the fact that I will never have friends I can rely on and I think that focusing on myself is the best option. I tried every trick and none of them worked, I craved friendships for years and years but now I've given up - likewise with you I don't know what to do.

    I have had to come to terms with the fact that I won't have that human connection/friendship.

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  • I've just come to terms with the fact that I will never have friends I can rely on and I think that focusing on myself is the best option. I tried every trick and none of them worked, I craved friendships for years and years but now I've given up - likewise with you I don't know what to do.

    I have had to come to terms with the fact that I won't have that human connection/friendship.

Children
  • in reply to FinlaysonA

    It only has to be that way if you don't manage to "upskill" in the field of human relations.

    I broke though that paradigm in my thirties...

    In the meantime, try learning how to make a "pet" happy. I like cats myself, as they start out not accepting the status of "pet" very easily and when you develop a bond make excellent and reliable animal companions, and don;t seem to hold your bad days against you if you apologise when it's appropriate for your bad behaviour. 

    And if your cat runs off, then you know that you have issues that need to be addressed. Needless to say being able to look after an animal and keep it happy, is a stepping stone to being able to do the same with a human being.

    Make no bones about it, we are both cursed and blessed with Autism. Life truly is what you make of it more than what others impose on you, but doing well in life as an Autist requires stepping up and taking control. 

    How you do it, by consensus or by autocratic means is up to you, but take control you must. 

    We seem to have extraordinary powers of detachment from some situations and over involvement in others. The detachment is very powerful and useful, the passion can be productive but only when directed by self control and wisdom, (Ive not had a great deal of success in that arena myself!). 

    But I absolutely promise you, you can have good and dependable friends, if you work & study at being the best you can be. I recommend learning a bit about "transactional analysis" as a good primer. Being a good friend is an absolute, and it doesn't matter whether you learn how to do it as a "procedure", or whether it comes naturally, by the time you can do it well, the effect is the same.

    And finding those really good friends is like finding gold, you do have to process the dirt to get to the shiny!