Its getting alot of people mad at me right now. Im constantly on about having autism or not....lazy or not...not thinking like an adult. I cant seem to talk about anything else. Its getting me in a lot of trouble and getting people so they dont want to talk to me...or i talk about how people percieve things like mind visualising. It feels like i bypassed life so heavily i dont know whats what
I am making those changes...and i agree with you on some points...its not sympathy i need...too much of that caused me issues i have now.
Because it’s not fine, you’re feeling guilty because you know that.
By your previous posts it’s extremely clear that you are unwilling to make small sustainable changes to improve your situation.
your expecting someone else to help you and do the difficult work for you. Sorry to be the a**hole again but not how the world works and having autism doesn’t excuse you from the same struggles as everyone else. The struggles are different because you have autism from the typical person but you have to overcome them like everyone else & sometimes the solution are silly stupid and different from the typical.
Most people are re assuring you because you are looking for sympathy, not solutions. their are thousands of people who will listen to you cry and do very little to help.
Some people have genuinely been re assuring you, trying to explain that it’s okay to take it slow and take additional time to get yourself together, but you should of being trying to make small changes instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I spent life struggling and with no job due to anxieties etc. People say fine but trying to get my brain to understand is problematic
May I ask how recent your diagnosis is? I've gone through 56 stumbling blind through the Spectrum. Once the eyes are opened, there is a mind blowing realisation a minute as you grow into your true self. It's normal and natural to want to talk and analyse and share that.
It's a shame those around you aren't grasping just how major this is in terms of importance for you, they are just plodding on with their stuff. It's lack of understanding on their part as you need to go through and give voice to your understanding.
There will be be people who want to listen and support you through this and others who tune out. Your next judgement call is how you deal with them; not talk about it and mask (I wouldn't) or not talk about it but unmask and wait for them to ask about the natural you.
I'm so sorry you aren't meeting with better understanding. It's HUGE when our eyes open, huh?
Part of the problem was me being child like too long...altbough i did play a game for first time in over a year other day for about 20 mins
I can relate to that. I have hobbies that i talk about now, but i will still start psychoanalysing people around me or talking endlessly about autism.
Anxiety is usually a flag something is wrong, misaligned, or something internal isn't being recognised (like when we need to leave a dangerous situation). It should ideally instigate a fight/flight mode, but perhaps you're experience is causing a 'freeze' (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn - 4 survival mechanisms).
Perhaps it's time? Time to take time to find yourself, find the things you enjoy, find the things you feel are missing. Perhaps you need a bit of unsticking :) becoming un-stuck. Perhaps you're so busy trying to work out how to be an adult, you've lost your sense of child-like wonder and curiosity. When I'm stuck, I make time to do something I love. I learn to play again and enjoy life. This is how we begin and it should always be a part of our being human. x
I guess im scared to find it. I did stream games in past. I forgot the growing up bit. Is it possible for anxiety to have caused me to be a habitual housebound type.
Is that such a bad thing? Can you combine nature and computers? But also why wouldn’t you come back?
what other random things are you interested in? I can think of a few more explorative things I’d like to learn such as collecting sonic readings with geophones.
if you’re interested in exploring ideas…
Sometimes just one activity can unlock where ever we feel stuck.
Ive always been super compiter focused...if i went outdoors i migjt neber come back
I hear you.
here’s a question! Do you have skills to live in the wild? Foraging, camping- a nomadic lifestyle? Does this sound like something you might be able to learn or even interested in learning? There are people who take care of lighthouses who watch for forest fires and live pretty secluded. For those of us with sensory needs who are hyper sensory and might have innate skills worth becoming in tune with, we could be good at this kind of life style. What are your thoughts?
Ive always wanted to be left be but its hitting me thats not allowed. I also know to go into high pace etc would do me in. Its like i dont want to grow up and the tear has me moaning..shaking...humming....and all for what in the end is me avoiding life.
It sounds like you need something which makes you feel hopeful. I also wonder if you're not just completely exhausted.
I hear you say you want to live normally, so that tells me you're not lazy, but perhaps your operating at less than half capacity from never being taught how to be the healthiest 'you'. To use an analogy, if I'm trying to get a submarine to float like a blimp, but am never taught about the differences in capacity and also environment, I will be worn out and feel hopeless. There's something similar to the Autistic design which is exhausted and depleted in NT society.
Learning to re-think how I approach life, to align our perceptions with better ways of being and to find an alignment between our deepest intentions, our words and actions is sometimes daunting. I've always suggested some good reading material, but perhaps theres's something you've started reading. I can have a think and respond back with some possible steps to take which might help.
It's first important to begin to understand who we are and what we might be capable of. Use our imagination (if we're not aphantic) to learn to envision who we want to be or an ideal we might see ourselves as.
But let me have a think. We all need to feel purposeful, useful. That can be a drive to keep us going. Is there a group you might be able to meet with weekly and engage with something you enjoy?
I am 39. I want to be able to do some things without direction. At present it takes lists to get me active. I lived being looked after alot so my brain is very out of whack. When you live a certain way. I feel so far behind i dont know how i aill ever live normally. I hate being reliant but also very much dont want to work which brings ita own guilt. Just not being constantly anxious would be nice
Can I ask how old you are? For most of us, it proper understanding of how to mature into an adult we missed. NeuroTypical individuals will get this as a sort of free down load, so it becomes innate, as they learn how to interact with others in the manner which NT society is set. For autistics, we nee practical guides to help us with rules of relationships or rules of engaging with others.
I can say once I started realising how little help I had becoming a functioning citizen with “something to offer”, was a start to a whole adventure into understanding this stuff. It’s so frustrating, so I feel where you’re at.
What would you like to be able to do?
