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Anxiety about change - change in environment/ travelling

AmeliaM14

I am a 19 year old who was diagnosed with ASD at the end of 2019, just before the 2020 lockdown. 

Being told I have ASD was a shock, and something I wasn't able to fully understand or deal with. Due to the pandemic coming right after my diagnosis I never really took the time to understand myself or what it actually meant, making life after lockdown very difficult.

Due to lockdown, I found I became very dependent on being at home, it became a huge comfort to me and somewhere I didn't want to leave for long periods of time. 

Fast forward to the present day, I now have a huge inability to cope with change particularly when staying in places that are not my home. My house and my home town have become such a comfort that I have developed a crippling wave of anxiety when it comes to going on holiday or moving away. 

In the summer of 2021, I went away to Devon with my friends as an end of year celebration. However, when I arrived I was faced with a huge amount of anxiety that took over my whole body, resulting in me vomiting, crying and hyperventilating. Which wasn't ideal considering I was with my friends. This was all brought on because my surrounding had changed and I was no longer in the comfort of my own home with my parents there for support. I was suddenly thrown into a situation I hadn't mentally prepared for and as a result my body decided to simply shut down. 

This was the first time I had truly experiences such a high level of anxiety, and since then it has progressively gotten worse. The same bodily reaction and mentally came over me when I tried to go to Paris in November 2021, even though I was with my sister who supported me through it all. I couldn't even get in the taxi to the airport without vomiting. 

This is something I am now living in fear of, making it very difficult of progress further in life and change out of my current habits. I have had to turn down offers to travel with my friends, offers to simply visit my friends at university because of the anxiety that comes with staying somewhere overnight that isn't my home.

It has lead me to feel very isolated and alone as, from the outside nobody would suspect I suffered with such crippling anxiety as I come from quite a sociable circle of friends. 

  • Why do you want to travel? Personally I've found it easier to make new local friends/acquaintances than to hang onto ones who are physically distant.

  • I'm the exact same. Going away in a month with my boyfriend for the first time and I'm already anxious. The last time I went on holiday was pre-pandemic and I used to vomit then too, so I'm preemptively worried. Just know that to some extent you can try to stay in control. I never used to be able to travel on trains without vomiting, and now because I've practiced certain routes I can go on them for longer times. You just have to build up to things and know that you have control. And remind yourself that you're safe and you'll get home soon. 

  • If it's any comfort I think this is a very normal autistic reaction to going away. I have always wanted to travel but have struggled to because of my autism. One of my biggest triggers is being away from home even for a single night. Me and my wife cant even go away for our anniversary as I cant cope with being away from home. 

    I think the pandemic has made things worse. For instance, pre covid I used to go to football matches all the time in big stadiums but post lockdown it took me ages to be able to go back and even now I cant face going anywhere than my small local teams.

    Dont feel bad about not being able to do stuff, I know it can be hard and make you feel isolated but your not alone on here 

  • I’m sorry you’re struggling in this way. It’s a coincidence because my son also feels that the isolation of the pandemic and lockdowns has affected him. We talked about going on holiday abroad and he is saying that he does not feel he could cope with this as the pandemic has made him feel more anxious about going a long way from home - especially abroad. So your post really stood out to me as I think it’s a bit similar. The pandemic has impacted on so many people’s mental health - it’s not surprising that you are having some problems because of it. As your anxiety is obviously quite severe and making you physically sick I would ask your GP is any help is available. CBT might help possibly. If the waiting list is ridiculously long there might be books or info online to help. I certainly don’t think you’re on your own in having these types of feelings after the lockdowns etc. 
    Are you at college or university? I think some university’s have good mental health support (and some do not!). 

    I’m sure that in time you will work through these feelings and feel better about travel etc. Sending best wishes :)