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How can I get out of going to a concert?

Castle

My wife has paid a lot of money for me and our family to go and watch Coldplay in Scotland in August. As much as I love listening to Coldplay and really admire Chris Martin as an Musician I'm really not looking forward to going and I keep telling her but she won't re-list our tickets to get the money back and insists on us going.

Its a big milestone in my Birth years this year so she's adamant that we are going but I'm worried about the crowd that will be there the surroundings of not knowing any of the area etc I really don't want to go and it's going to cause arguments and I will get called 'boring' etc.

My question is what would you say to get out of this potential nightmare? She thinks I'm ungrateful when I say I don't want to go and doesn't seem to listen. I would much rather sit at home and watch a concert.

I went to watch Motorhead in Manchester years ago and I was a nervous wreck and my anxiety levels were through the roof so much that the most enjoyable part of the night was when I was leaving to get in my car and go home.

So any advice would be much appreciated.

  • in reply to Fibonacci Squid

    Arrive early helps, so less people going in with you and fewer people inside. The crowd will gradually get bigger but you way not be affected by that as much as coming across a massive crowd/audience.  Buying tickets for parts of the venue that might feel better for you can help, you didn't buy them and you partner may not think about that so best to make sure they know for next time.

    They don't lock you in for safety reasons, so yes, you can leave at any point, security will understand if you explain. Knowing and trusting helps reduce anxiety/fears, its then about getting yourself there and aiming to enjoying it, but if you are triggered and really want to leave you can.  

    I went to see Coldplay in 2012 actually with my partner, it was difficult as tickets sold quick and I could only get 2 tickets on the floor, standing, but walked from the back to near the stage so not looking at the crowd so much, and it was great to see the band members but people kept moving by and bumping so it was difficult, some clearly drunk so let it go.  I focused on the music and experience, filmed bits as a momento, that takes your mind of anxiety.

    You might want to leave before it ends, some bands do an encore so you know its ending for example, make your way to an exit before many do.  Or, you can stay put and wait for most to leave.

  • I 100% get this. I stopped going to concerts other than classical music ones, because they quickly got overwhelming. 

    Your wife is probably upset because she genuinely thinks she's done something you'd enjoy. This is how I navigated this issue with my family.

    1. I would go as long as they agreed to let me leave when I needed to. This meant leaving concerts usually before halfway through. They didn't necessarily have to come with me. I made sure to find places nearby that I could stay that were quiet (usually well lit parks, sometimes just the inside of the car) and wait for them to come out.

    2. I didn't go to concerts above a certain size. This of course restricts the bands you can go to but it worked fine for me.

    3. Preferrably, I went to concerts that were during the day, small, and outside. So small scale festivals. And that was kind of it. That meant I could easily find footpaths nearby to walk away on and ramble to deal with it. Not great advice for bands like coldplay, but have a look at what's in the neighbourhood that you could go hide in if it gets too much while you're there.

    It took me one meltdown in a crowd that was hard for them to get me out of for them to agree with these conditions. 

    My recommendation would be to discuss this further. Consider trying to explain what these situations feel like for you (easier said than done I know). Feeling that someone is overreacting is a common issue with sensory overload and they genuinely just can't fathom it. If it is decided that you will be going, make a plan for how to leave if it gets too much. Take noise reducers if the volume or crowd will be an issue. Plan so that you have an alternative if things go wrong, and in my experience that makes the bits that don't go wrong much more enjoyable and when it does get bad it is much easier to deal with. 

  • Its beginning of May, you are already worrying and building up the anxiety and trying to avoid it.  Past experience is partly behind it, but what is happening is you are thinking all about what might go wrong, worries/fears, and not actually about going to enjoy the concert that might be difficult for you but I assume with a partner there for support and enjoy with.

    Switch the focus to the actual performance, the enjoyable bit, you have 3 months to set yourself ready.