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A new person everyday

NAS78717

Hi

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember but have never been suspected to be on the spectrum. I also know women/girls are often overlooked for ASD. I have had the same two friends since kindergarten (love them to pieces), but there have also been periods where we did not speak for a while. They were always considered the popular girls at my school and were also friends with other popular kids, however I never made the same connections. I always admired how sociable they were and how they always knew exactly what to say and do to be accepted with the other popular kids, however I could not fit in to SAVE MY LIFE.

Fast forward to a year after graduation, my best friend mentioned she thought I was autistic based on a handful of Tik Toks she had seen related to my “situation”, and the fact I repetitively listen to songs I like. I was taken aback because she has never mentioned anything like this before. I never denied it and just kept listening to the connections she was trying to make from my life. After a while, she said she believes she is also on the spectrum. This is where I’m conflicted.

My friend has struggled with mental health issues in the past and we share very similar traumatic experiences. Ever since she has mentioned being on the spectrum, her personality has changed quite a bit. She now is very vocal about her ASD traits and relates a lot of her behaviors, especially all of her negative ones that affect others poorly, to this spectrum. Also, I need to add, she basically outed this suspicion of me being autistic to a group of friends at a party. Ever since then, every time we hang out, there is some mention of her or my autistic behaviors which is very annoying at times.

I have been trying to meet with a therapist or psychiatrist to explain everything further and see what their perspective is, but I thought if anyone has went through a similar situation

Thanks in advance

  • Unfortunately, I suspect we'll see more of this as NeuroDiveregent is the new 'vegan' - or virtue signal. 

    First of all, Autism has always been around. 100 years ago, everyone might spend one day a week in church learning a few 'ethics' and rules to being mindful of one another. This is not masking, it is choosing to use your personality for good. It means affording others their 'quirks' and making the effort, even if conscious to Be Kind. Useful. Helpful. First to those in our immediate family and utilising little rules to create a pleasant world around. Saying "Thank you" to a bus driver. Mentally making a note to not pry. Learning to grow one's character so to have admirable values. NOW - there are those who might have comorbid learning disabilities. But it's important to note that if Everyone is mindful, these individuals are not constantly fighting to survive. 

    Being differently 'wired' in our neuro-pathways simply means we have a different way of perceiving, understanding and relating to the world around us. It does not mean we are cruel or lazy or selfish. The same goes for the Typical individual who is socially fluent and can effortlessly engage with others because they have similar "neuro-wiring" and can relate without mentally preparing or extra conscious effort.

    Your friend sounds young. And perhaps she is still finding herself. Neither of you need a therapist to learn values or principles, but you could use a grandparent or mentor. 

    However, Tik Tok is not a clinician with a PhD, nor is your friend. It can be good when I'm identified and acknowledged but that doesn't mean anyone is superior and it doesn't give either NTypical or Autistic persons a free pass to do as they please at whim. If anything it should help us be respectful of one another. 

    I know many NeuroTypical individuals who listen to the same songs on repeat. This is quite normal. Some have a work out playlist. Some use it for inspiration. Music affects the whole brain, it's very powerful, which is why music is used for tribal rituals, in raves, in church, for inaugurations, weddings and all kinds of emotionally charged events. The same beat in a club. The same anthem. The same emotional content to triggers a desire to listen again.

    Have a search for a few different Autism Quotient Tests if you're interested. 

  • Hi, sorry you are having to deal with someone like this, first of all if you do decide to identify or not as autistic, it’s totally your choice, if you do think that you could be autistic then it’s also your choice who, when and where you wish to share your condition with. I’m obviously not speaking for everyone, but it is a very personal subject  for most autistic people. Your friend is happy to be ‘loud and proud’ that fine, but she shouldn’t draw you into her views without your  consent. To be honest, I would distance myself from her and tell her to stop spreading what could be false truths. The fact you don’t keep in contact with your friends is a trait of autism but it doesn’t necessarily make you autistic. There are many other factors before anyone can draw that conclusion. I live about 2 miles from my only brother, we often don’t communicate for months at a time, we both know where the other is if we need something. Yes it is true that autistic people generally don’t or want as much from a relationship as other people want to offer. Maybe speak to your doctor or take some online tests.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • I would say it's three issues

    You missed - Why are you trying to interfer with her attempts in finding out if she is or not?

    I am sure Mental Health Proffessionals will find inconsistencies in her relations if there are any, and make appropriate decision.

    If you want to maintain relations, then you need to ask her to stop mentioning your difficculties in public/online.

    If you don't, then simply block her, ban her,

    Ask your solicitor how to make it legaly to make her stop if she refuses

  • Ooooh. There seem to be two issues here. Are you on the Spectrum or not? Is your friend or not?

    I think you need a frank word with your friend. She may need to talk about her suspicion she is autistic, but she needs to respect your privacy. Be generous. If she is autistic she may not have twigged how the 'outting' is affecting you.

    Meanwhile, what do you want for you? Do you think you maybe autistic? Do you want to know? If you don't - cool. If you do - also cool. Try an online AQ50, approach your GP to get an assessment, meanwhile ask whatever you want here, we'll help.