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I am tired & sad!!!!

NAS78984

Hi 

I just need a place to vent. So I’m a single childless woman in my 40s who moved in with my mother to care for her, which meant leaving behind my community of friends several states away. In addition to having dementia, my mom is also a narcissist. Since relocating to my mother’s, I’ve been busy managing her care while also trying to set up a life for myself: searching for jobs, trying to find social groups to join, trying to get enough exercise to support my mental & physical health. I hate being unemployed, I feel like such a loser, and it’s so draining to spend every day hunting for & applying for jobs. Anyhow. Friday was my birthday. I told myself I could have the day off from job searching and exercise and all the “to-do’s” I assign myself. I didn’t have any plans and I don’t have any friends here to celebrate with, but I at least wanted to be gentle and kind with myself. Of course my mother forgot my birthday. And I reminded her. And she went out to the drugstore and got me a Hallmark card and a bag of shitty chocolates. I know I shouldn’t have expected anything but it still made me so sad. I’ve sacrificed so much for her and I’m so lonely and have no idea what the hell I’m doing w my life other than caring for a thankless old lady and a dog. I ended up going for a hike on my birthday. It was fine. But when I pulled into the driveway of my mom’s house, I just sat in my car…contemplating what the point of it all is. Telling myself I did not want another birthday like this next year. Feeling just pretty hopeless and tired. Thought about not going on. I have a therapist who I see weekly, thank god for that. But otherwise I am completely alone, despite my efforts to meet people. There is no other family involved in my mom’s care. It’s just on me. I thought I’d reach out here because I’m sure at least some of you can relate. I’m sorry for such a long post.

Thanks for reading.

Parents

  • If possible try to talk to your friends online. I think you're sacrificing so much time and energy, and doing many things to try to get your life in order, while also helping someone who is a cause of stress in your life, but you're not receiving much support in return from anyone.

    You are really looking for close relationships that are meaningful (friends, partner, just someone there for you) and you're not getting anyone and feel very lonely. I've realized that desperation will drive people away from you (I mean it's true for myself too), and at job interviews and around friends or other people, desperation will just make people avoid me. So I learned that if I wanted have good and supportive people come into my life, I had to be positive, because positivity attracts, and negativity repels. I hope that you get people who will support you in your life.

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  • If possible try to talk to your friends online. I think you're sacrificing so much time and energy, and doing many things to try to get your life in order, while also helping someone who is a cause of stress in your life, but you're not receiving much support in return from anyone.

    You are really looking for close relationships that are meaningful (friends, partner, just someone there for you) and you're not getting anyone and feel very lonely. I've realized that desperation will drive people away from you (I mean it's true for myself too), and at job interviews and around friends or other people, desperation will just make people avoid me. So I learned that if I wanted have good and supportive people come into my life, I had to be positive, because positivity attracts, and negativity repels. I hope that you get people who will support you in your life.

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