Teach me how to become non-verbal and stay that way.

I used to make others angry over what I said, they'd shout things at me like to shut up, nobody wants to listen to you, and they'd even get so mad they'd hit me into silence, threatening more violence if I chose to speak and say anything "stupid" again. I could not even voice when I was hungry for food, because that would make them angry, so a lot of my basic needs were not met. So I'd want to silence myself, not speak, not talk, and repress my voice, because I was afraid that I'd cause something bad to happen. 

But then as I was around other people, they'd appreciate the things I say to them because it was helpful to them, even the smallest thing. So I gradually learned to use my voice more, even through the fear that something bad would happen to me (like being yelled at and hurt), because it's being genuine to myself and true to the things I want to say, and I'd really like to be able to say something and be understood and listened to, and for my words to be reciprocated. 

But if someone does not like what I say and responds negatively, puts me down, makes fun of me, yells at me, hurts me, then I know they are used to crossing the line with other people, so I'll say what I need to say, and then I'll ultimately stop interacting with that person and cut contact with them. Those signs of bad treatment towards you are signs that they're not good people to keep in your life, so you don't need those people around you. I've cut contact to family and friends who treated me negatively. Surround yourself with people who will listen to what you have to say, who will even tell you that they want to hear your voice, hear you speak, hear what you want to say, and you can be your genuine true self around. 

I used to make others angry over what I said, they'd shout things at me like to shut up, nobody wants to listen to you, and they'd even get so mad they'd hit me into silence, threatening more violence if I chose to speak and say anything "stupid" again. I could not even voice when I was hungry for food, because that would make them angry, so a lot of my basic needs were not met. So I'd want to silence myself, not speak, not talk, and repress my voice, because I was afraid that I'd cause something bad to happen. 

But then as I was around other people, they'd appreciate the things I say to them because it was helpful to them, even the smallest thing. So I gradually learned to use my voice more, even through the fear that something bad would happen to me (like being yelled at and hurt), because it's being genuine to myself and true to the things I want to say, and I'd really like to be able to say something and be understood and listened to, and for my words to be reciprocated. 

But if someone does not like what I say and responds negatively, puts me down, makes fun of me, yells at me, hurts me, then I know they are used to crossing the line with other people, so I'll say what I need to say, and then I'll ultimately stop interacting with that person and cut contact with them. Those signs of bad treatment towards you are signs that they're not good people to keep in your life, so you don't need those people around you. I've cut contact to family and friends who treated me negatively. Surround yourself with people who will listen to what you have to say, who will even tell you that they want to hear your voice, hear you speak, hear what you want to say, and you can be your genuine true self around. 

That's a truly terrible position to be in. I'm glad you got out of that situation and are now in a place of greater freedom.

You kind of hit the nail on the head. After reading all the comments here I'm still struggling to find an answer that feels right to me personally. All I really want is for the negativity to stop. This is good advice, and I do know of at least one person who always makes me feel safe and heard. I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to cut those parts of my family off, though maybe in the distant future I'll be able to limit my interactions with them a little. I constantly flounder back and forth on whether to work at becoming independent, because as much as I can't take the constant putdowns, dismissals and invalidations from certain people, I also know that to an extent they're right and I would struggle even harder on my own. My situation isn't quite as outright abusive as yours, so in that sense I'm lucky and ought to be grateful, right?

My 'genuine self' seems to put a lot of people off. I've never acted maliciously or intentionally caused problems, but I'm so used to being told I'm in some way incorrect that now I'm terrified to ever try, which of course just invites more anger and disappointment. I don't really want to be whatever 'normal' is, but I just feel so lost now, all the time. I may as well be invisible until I either screw up or do something of actual value in their eyes.

Isn't it terrible that I sometimes wish I was abused, just so I'd have a clearer view of 'fault'?