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Heartbroken

NAS38006

I have an autistic son.who.ihavent seen for over 2 months  he cuts me off when he cant have what he ,wants or i dont do.as he asks he has just moved to a new supported living and requested me not to call see him or to know where hes gone .i.have found out where he is .hes broke my heart so many times way he treats me im.struggling to cope i get days when i dont want to be here any more.

  • I am sorry you're going through this. It must be really hard and devastating for you to be treated this way. It's important you remember that you have not done anything wrong. If you feel like you don't want to be here please reach out to someone like your GP or Samaritans. Keep talking here if you need to. 

    I totally disowned my dad for personal reasons and I won't ever talk to him again, but it sounds like your son is being really silly for whatever reason. Probably just trying to make you feel bad because you wouldn't give him what he wants. I'm sorry he's reacted this way.

    Here for you.

    Em x

  • Ashamed to say I did very much the same with my mum. It took years to resolve. She actually attempted suicide when I cut off from her.

    I grew up believing she didn't like me and had to stay away from her for my own sanity. My mother hadn't done anything wrong, just as far as I could see she didn't like me and it wasn't healthly for me to have her anywhere near me. It never meant I didn't feel sorry for her that she didn't have the daughter she appeared to want. I just couldn't be what she wanted.

    I later discovered some stuff about her background that helped me realise why she was undemonstrative and became more forgiving.

    Only when I went through the assessment process and after much umming and arrring about involving her did I realise she actually thought the opposite of what I had supposed all my life. She just couldn't express herself explicitly and I couldn't read her; I can't read people any other way. 

    I doubt we'll ever be close, and I'm still agonisingly uncomfortable with her knowing much about my life, but I run around doing what she needs now she quite frail. I think my diagnosis resolved a lot for her. Not that she'll ever say.

    I echo the others. It's NOT you.

    But your lad may not be the mean hearted guy he seems either. He may or may not understand the impact he is having. He may not be able to read you. He may feel he can't be the right son for you. He may not be able to wrap his head around why he can't have what he wants. He'll have to learn why the hard way. We can't always spare our kids the tough stuff, no matter how vulnerable. He may not get that you are trying to act in his best interest. He may not understand that you love him. All sorts of things could be going on in his head. 

    But don't give in to the desperation. Miracles can happen to resolve this. Meanwhile, you need some help for you. You need some healing. You need a life for you. 

  • I echo what Lee_1973 has said. My mother and I have always had a clash of personalities. It's not her fault, or mine. It's just the way it is. She can sometimes be a little too intense for me, which can result in me shutting down and needing space from her. Sometimes this might be for days, weeks, or months at a time. Like you with your son, it upsets her and causes her to feel rejected by me.