Help with feelings of panic when I wake up in the morning

For me, I did exposure therapy in CBT (ideally with an actual person to talk through it rather than online), so I know the feelings will always come down. You might need to work on your anxiety as a whole rather than specifically this situation. You have been through an awful lot by the sounds of things. I get anxiety about more getting potentially more anxious. You might be in a high state of fight or flight. Anxiety feeds itself and if you can break the chain somehow that's a step. May I ask what online therapy you will have? I've been using Silvercloud and I haven't really found it helpful. It's like a one size fits all but I understand services are so stretched there aren't any other options at the moment.

Having said that most days I have low rumbling morning anxiety...even today on a Sunday. I don't know how to deal with this. I think I've learned the physical feelings are there before the thoughts and my thoughts latch on to the physical. 

Yes - break the chain - I’m sure you’re right. The thing is I was hospitalised last year and it was very traumatic and I was very close to dying and ever since I just feel haunted by what I’ve been through. I don’t feel safe anymore, I feel frightened all the time of getting ill again. And just frightened of so much, so many aspects of life now feel so overwhelming. What is exposure therapy? How does that work? I don’t really know how my online thing will be - she said it was typing online to a real person who will respond - that’s all I know. I had a phone call for a basic assessment the other week but I haven’t heard anything back since. In the meantime though I’m just desperately unhappy because I just spend everyday feeling massively anxious all the time. It’s hell to be honest. I  feel strongly that I need more help than I’m getting - because I’m not getting any help at the moment! Just ‘self help’ and frankly I am all out of ideas. I think I have PTSD of some kind. Whatever it is I’m not coping. 
Thanks for your response - I really appreciate you trying to help. X

Kate, you need professional help. Can you go private at all? Is there any employee assistance support with your husbands work where they may be able to offer help to family members? (They can offer therapy).  

I don't know if exposure therapy is the right treatment for ptsd but I did it for anxiety by exposing myself to a "trigger", repeatedly until it no longer bothered me.  I could see how my anxiety peaked then each time it started off at a lower base rate. This tells me that feelings of anxiety will always come down. I don't actually know how much I believe it anymore as ive been in  a perpetual state of anxiety since September really. But it helped massively at the time getting me out of a hole. I've been doing online where I send messages to a counsellor. It's as much use to me as a chocolate fireguard. Before I knew I was autistic these generic sorts of therapies (same content but with actual people) wasn't supportive at all and still isn't but I always have to keep an open mind and try to advocate for myself which is hard at times. Pleaee don't let what I've said put you off but don't feel like a failure if it doesn't work for you.

These are resources I used in my CBT and for myself www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/.../Looking-After-Yourself

However, you really need to be able to talk to someone I think. Have you been to your doctor? It sounds awful what you have been and are going through. You must be a very strong person...more than you realise. You don't have to do it on your own and keep fighting through each day.  When I was in a bad way a few years ago, no amount of tablets, meditation or yoga helped.  It was uncontrollable until I had talking therapy. There will come a time, believe me, when you have the space of time and you can look back and see what you had gone through and had come out the other side.

I didn't want to take SSRI tablets but I had no choice in the end. Altho they didn't help overall, they are not for everyone but you might find they help.  Search on BACP for an autism counsellor.  It might seem like an expense but you are investing in your future of yourself to get better. This is how I am approaching it. 

I just wondered because the link you sent was Australian! I’m in the U.K. to. 

I hope you get there. I know how exhausting it can be. No, I'm in North west England.  What about you?

Thank you - I appreciate all you say here so much. Yes - my baseline anxiety is higher too because I have GAD. Years ago after the anti-depressants were such a disaster for me my parents paid for me to have one session with a psychiatrist and he explained this to me. My health crisis last year has hit me like a train. I’m sorry that you have had health problems too - and I’m glad you have a supportive partner. My husband does his best to support me and has been so patient - but I feel guilty sometimes that I ask so much of him. He’s so tired too. We’re all totally worn out in our family - that’s the truth of it.

I hope things improve for you soon as well - thank you again for all your help, solidarity and support. The resources you posted the link to look really good - thank you. Are you in Australia? 

The last thing I'll say...if you do the online support and feel it isn't helping, you must tell someone, either the person who you are in regular contact with or the organisation which is providing this for you.

Avoidance doesn't work, it just pushes things down and they'll surface eventually. We have to learn to better tolerate it and know it won't harm us. I feel I'm wasting my life feeling like this and that really only if my life is at risk should I be feeling this way as that is what fight or flight was made for....not because of anything to do with work. People are undergoing immense traumatic stress in other parts of the world at the moment. ..they aren't worrying about getting people through their exams!! However we need to remember to be kind to ourselves. I've always said our primitive brains are not equipped for the modern world.  Society has evolved quicker than humans have.

Also I didn't realise this till starting therapy that having GAD (and subsequently AS diagnosis) has meant that a)I wasn't dealing with anxiety in the best way, and probably more importantly,  b)my base levels are already starting off higher than other people. So that when something big happens it just sends me off the scale. I think difficulty understanding our internal workings, difficulty regulating emotions and thoughts all adds to the mix. My partner is a very rational level headed person, totally opposite to myself. I did make some progress towards this myself last year, but I needed to bring the initial peak down in order to see this was even possible. It's since all gone to pot because of ill health.

Mental health provision in this country is shocking but then I don't know how it compares to other places. The professionals absolutely do their best but there needs to be more investment. My cbt therapist said many people only contact their service when they are at breaking point, rather than before.  

I understand how hard it is when you feel you can't cope and dont know where to turn. Good luck. X

The last thing I'll say...if you do the online support and feel it isn't helping, you must tell someone, either the person who you are in regular contact with or the organisation which is providing this for you.

Avoidance doesn't work, it just pushes things down and they'll surface eventually. We have to learn to better tolerate it and know it won't harm us. I feel I'm wasting my life feeling like this and that really only if my life is at risk should I be feeling this way as that is what fight or flight was made for....not because of anything to do with work. People are undergoing immense traumatic stress in other parts of the world at the moment. ..they aren't worrying about getting people through their exams!! However we need to remember to be kind to ourselves. I've always said our primitive brains are not equipped for the modern world.  Society has evolved quicker than humans have.

Also I didn't realise this till starting therapy that having GAD (and subsequently AS diagnosis) has meant that a)I wasn't dealing with anxiety in the best way, and probably more importantly,  b)my base levels are already starting off higher than other people. So that when something big happens it just sends me off the scale. I think difficulty understanding our internal workings, difficulty regulating emotions and thoughts all adds to the mix. My partner is a very rational level headed person, totally opposite to myself. I did make some progress towards this myself last year, but I needed to bring the initial peak down in order to see this was even possible. It's since all gone to pot because of ill health.

Mental health provision in this country is shocking but then I don't know how it compares to other places. The professionals absolutely do their best but there needs to be more investment. My cbt therapist said many people only contact their service when they are at breaking point, rather than before.  

I understand how hard it is when you feel you can't cope and dont know where to turn. Good luck. X

I just wondered because the link you sent was Australian! I’m in the U.K. to. 

I hope you get there. I know how exhausting it can be. No, I'm in North west England.  What about you?

Thank you - I appreciate all you say here so much. Yes - my baseline anxiety is higher too because I have GAD. Years ago after the anti-depressants were such a disaster for me my parents paid for me to have one session with a psychiatrist and he explained this to me. My health crisis last year has hit me like a train. I’m sorry that you have had health problems too - and I’m glad you have a supportive partner. My husband does his best to support me and has been so patient - but I feel guilty sometimes that I ask so much of him. He’s so tired too. We’re all totally worn out in our family - that’s the truth of it.

I hope things improve for you soon as well - thank you again for all your help, solidarity and support. The resources you posted the link to look really good - thank you. Are you in Australia?