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Why do I keep focusing on things that don’t matter?

NAS78225

Hi

This isn’t as deep as it sounds, lately I’ve found myself being really fixated on things that, at the moment, do not matter. They will matter EVENTUALLY but not soon enough for me to be as focused on them as I am. For example: I’m in college, will be moving home in may for the summer. I am OBSESSED with finding a job for one reason, I have a tattoo appointment at the end of June and want to make sure I have money. But applying for a job right now is like WAY too early cuz I’m looking at retail jobs/simple customer service job and I’m pretty confident I’ll be able to find a job the week I get home. But despite knowing all of that I have SO much anxiety that I just focus and focus on applying for jobs and finding jobs and not having a job yet is stressing me out so much. Example 2: Next year I’ll be living in a new dorm. I’ll be fortunate enough to be a single person living in a double room (2 beds, 2 desks, 2 wardrobes) I won’t be moving in until AUGUST. I am insanely stressed about figuring out how to lay out my room to fit the two simple things I want (a nightstand and my tv in front of my bed). I have fixated on this so much I have MULTIPLE drawn out diagrams in my phone. Again, I know I shouldn’t worry about it now but I can’t stop.

Why am I doing this? How do I make it stop?

Parents

  • This is part of the autistic brain. It is something one has to learn to get a handle on. It doesn't mean we stop hyper-focusing on a detail and being driven by it. But in order to mature with what's called "Monotropism" https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-32/august-2019/me-and-monotropism-unified-theory-autism we have to learn to adjust our Priorities.

    Once you have a vision about a thing happening, it can become a Locked Future. This is great for building a system and it's excellent for a natural Work Ethic. I must finish what I've started to full completion, no detail left unmet. But this capacity has a blind side. Have I thought through all the details? What am I missing? Being a mere muggle, what wizardry have I not yet mastered, encountered, etc. 

    Once I'm aware that a thing NEEDS to be in my future - a guitar, a sofa, a style, a book, a location, I need to learn to be flexible with how and when it's acquired. It is important to bend like a Reed rather than snap like a Stick. If I cannot have the exact thing, what am I willing to negotiate on? It's OK for life to not play out exactly when others are involved. I have a working list of things I'd like and things I need for work - that list is then ordered by importance and afforded the room to wait until I'm financially capable.

    Sometimes, we need to dream bigger. What if getting this tattoo means working a job you might not be good at (which creates further frustration) and has such an effect on school that it impacts all of your 20s further complicating life. 

    I learned to write down 5 things I'd like to see happen this year - nothing out of reach, all reasonable very small goals or achievements. And 10 things I'd like to see happen in the next 10 years. Then fold this up, put it away until a year from now. Open it then and reassess. Do it again. For me, it's a good NYE exercise.  

    One last thought: act like an Ant. We can only do so much, just do a little at a time, a few grains of sand per day and eventually you'll have built a mountain. 

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