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Why do I keep focusing on things that don’t matter?

NAS78225

Hi

This isn’t as deep as it sounds, lately I’ve found myself being really fixated on things that, at the moment, do not matter. They will matter EVENTUALLY but not soon enough for me to be as focused on them as I am. For example: I’m in college, will be moving home in may for the summer. I am OBSESSED with finding a job for one reason, I have a tattoo appointment at the end of June and want to make sure I have money. But applying for a job right now is like WAY too early cuz I’m looking at retail jobs/simple customer service job and I’m pretty confident I’ll be able to find a job the week I get home. But despite knowing all of that I have SO much anxiety that I just focus and focus on applying for jobs and finding jobs and not having a job yet is stressing me out so much. Example 2: Next year I’ll be living in a new dorm. I’ll be fortunate enough to be a single person living in a double room (2 beds, 2 desks, 2 wardrobes) I won’t be moving in until AUGUST. I am insanely stressed about figuring out how to lay out my room to fit the two simple things I want (a nightstand and my tv in front of my bed). I have fixated on this so much I have MULTIPLE drawn out diagrams in my phone. Again, I know I shouldn’t worry about it now but I can’t stop.

Why am I doing this? How do I make it stop?

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  • I can relate to this too. I worry and obsess about a lot of things... including things in the future that right now I am still lacking information on. I also obsess/worry about things that like you say it "at the moment do not matter".  Whilst sometimes it is good to have a plan, this kind of thinking can create a lot of stress and is often also not very useful or efficient as key information is lacking. I have not really found a solution to this yet. Sometimes I try to rationalise and tell myself that it makes no sense to obsess about it now as I am lacking the appropriate information... I cannot possibly anticipate every possible scenario so it makes more sense to deal with it closer to the time, when I actually do have the information I need to make a decision. This sometimes helps as I know that I have done a preliminary assessment of the situation (ie I have started obsessing), I have recognised that at this point I have gone as far as I can in terms of useful planning so that it is best to put it to rest for a bit. - I like trying to rationalise things even though the anxieties and fears are often irrational. 

    But like I said, I haven't really figured out how to stop this kind of worrying. I think for me it is a mixture of anxiety, fear of change/ disruption of routine and wanting to be prepared for all scenarios that leads to this thinking. And once I start, I get more and more into it, coming up with worst case scenarios etc... 

    I really like the saying of someone I know and I wish I could live by her motto: She always says "to worry means you suffer twice". 

    I think the fact that you are realising that you are worrying/obsessing about things that you might not have to worry so much about now, is already very good and the first step to stopping it. For a long time I was oblivious I was doing this. 

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  • I can relate to this too. I worry and obsess about a lot of things... including things in the future that right now I am still lacking information on. I also obsess/worry about things that like you say it "at the moment do not matter".  Whilst sometimes it is good to have a plan, this kind of thinking can create a lot of stress and is often also not very useful or efficient as key information is lacking. I have not really found a solution to this yet. Sometimes I try to rationalise and tell myself that it makes no sense to obsess about it now as I am lacking the appropriate information... I cannot possibly anticipate every possible scenario so it makes more sense to deal with it closer to the time, when I actually do have the information I need to make a decision. This sometimes helps as I know that I have done a preliminary assessment of the situation (ie I have started obsessing), I have recognised that at this point I have gone as far as I can in terms of useful planning so that it is best to put it to rest for a bit. - I like trying to rationalise things even though the anxieties and fears are often irrational. 

    But like I said, I haven't really figured out how to stop this kind of worrying. I think for me it is a mixture of anxiety, fear of change/ disruption of routine and wanting to be prepared for all scenarios that leads to this thinking. And once I start, I get more and more into it, coming up with worst case scenarios etc... 

    I really like the saying of someone I know and I wish I could live by her motto: She always says "to worry means you suffer twice". 

    I think the fact that you are realising that you are worrying/obsessing about things that you might not have to worry so much about now, is already very good and the first step to stopping it. For a long time I was oblivious I was doing this. 

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