Is there any help for us?

I agree with this. I think many of the groups like this are more aimed at people with learning difficulties. It would be good to have groups aimed at people with autism who were….. (I don’t like the term high functioning to be honest) ….but you you know what I mean?  My eldest went to an RPG society at Uni and that had many neurodivergent people and he made really good friends there (which was the first time he’d really done that). He also met his girlfriend there. It was life changing for him.

Yes and also need peer groups for adults who are "high functioning". In my area there are only groups for carers, autistic children or those with more complex needs. Or general mental health groups. I found one but it was more of a befriending group and you needed to be on social media to join. Hardly inclusive. I just want a place I can meet with similar people to share experiences.

I'd start one off but I haven't a clue where to begin.

I have access to autism support groups in my area, we have drop-ins at local cafes. These groups were started in October 2021 by a mental health charity which I volunteer for, we need more of these. We feel accepted and supported in these groups, and we swap information about other autism-friendly groups in our area, for people with a shared interest.

In my experience so far unfortunately item 2 is the sad truth. Realising that no-one will come and rescue me is hard (and I still hope sometimes that somewhere there are the right people that can help). I have often fallen into the trap of waiting to act/waiting to try and change because I was waiting for an appointment, which then turned out to be useless so that I was left feeling even more disappointed and helpless. (Also in my opinion the moment to take action/change things is NOW. If I am putting it off or planning for later date/ waiting etc, it usually means that I am not committed to it/ not ready/willing to change it.)

I think if possible trying to help yourself is best. If there is then additional support coming, that's great and it can support the process. At least this is what I try to tell myself... because I think if I wait for someone to come my rescue, I might end up waiting for a long time. I am also realising that there are many options other than professionals to get help and information- this community, books, internet etc. 

I love cats- They are great and generally just make life better- We had a cat when I was living at home and I do miss it. 

Writing item 2 isn't what people want to hear, and I feared for the reaction I'd get. 

In truth, we tolerate unpleasant truth far better than the normies, and at least give difficult ideas a hearing. I am quite convinced one day that Autists will be selected for positions of power & authority.

On my worst days, I get a sense of achievement and well being out of simply feeding and cleaning the cat's litter. The thing about cats is that if you do stuff for them even with a depressed and reluctant attitude, they are still happy to see you and appreciate what you do..

Thank you so much for your kind and very wise words I Sperg 

I really like these ideas you’ve suggested - they are very positive and encouraging. What you’ve said is really helpful to me - thank you. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed and lose hope - but you’re right - it’s important to make a start and do something positive - even if it’s the tiniest step forward.  Light on the horizon - that’s what I’m looking for (imagining myself with massive monocular searching the skyline…..). 

When I feel like you just expressed, I tell myself two things.

1. I've been here before, it always passes after a while, I know it can be endured.

2. I also tell myself that NO, no one is coming to help me, I need to snap out of this and get on with things myself! I find a small target and just go for it. anything to start establishing a pattern of doing constructive or joyful things again. 

You KNOW you can do some stuff better than the others, and although most of it seems useless and unwanted, sometimes being you can "save the day".

I've started forgiving myself for my useless days, but acknowledging them as well. Seeing them pile up makes me want to do something about it. and that saying life begins at forty? It's true, all you have to do is get there... (I'm not saying what sort of life begins at forty, as for me it took another couple of decades to wangle a bit of happiness and contentment, but I'm glad I stuck at it)

Crisis line sounds useless. What a crock!

There definitely isn’t enough help. My GP gave me a phone number that was some kind of crisis line. I was really desperate one day and phoned it - it was really useless. ‘Try journaling’ was the main advice - not exactly massively helpful! 
I sometimes wish I had autistic friends as everyone on here seems to really understand the sorts of problems me and my family have. It’s good to talk on here and feel less alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on here. 

Yes - ‘struggle with existing’ - well described. My son sometimes says “I don’t think I was made for this world” - and I relate to that too. I’m exhausted. 

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m going through a really bad time at the moment too - and really struggling to cope. Every day is so difficult at the moment - I have really dreadful anxiety and I’m completely exhausted. Like you I have a very supportive partner and I feel so guilty that I can’t cope with things at the moment - he’s so patient with me and I feel guilty that I can’t be stronger. Like you I sometimes feel I cannot go on but I would never kill myself because I wouldn’t want my children to have to live with that. My youngest son (who is also autistic) very much still needs me on a day to day basis and I don’t want to abandon him - that keeps me from intending to act on my thoughts of not being able to go on. 
where is the help for us? I don’t know. I’ve been referred for therapy but I suspect it won’t be much use - it’s one of those contracted out private provider things that are mostly online. 
Do you have supportive wider family and/or friends? 
If you ever want to chat I am here for you. I know what it’s like to find every say so difficult and overwhelming. I’m only just managing to keep going at the moment - I wake up and my first thought is that I’m going to have to face another day of feeling terrible. I just want to feel happy again! The pandemic has really damaged my mental health, and I was really (physically) ill late last year and am still getting over that. I’m so tired. 
sending you best wishes and solidarity x 

Hello.

I'm sorry you are going through this, you are not alone if that helps, because I am also going through the wringer at the moment and I am also a similar age to you - lost, burnt out, lost some more and at a point of wishing a pack of dogs would take me into the woods for their dinner. Oh, and extremely lost in my life, if I hadn't mentioned it before. I also suffer from autism and I have an ADHD diagnosis since I was a young boy.

I think the NHS is still very much in the good old days of 'oh, only boys have that', when it comes to ADHD. I know it's easier to identify in boys than it is in girls. Maybe, push for another assessment.

I have mental pain much of the day too, a few little reliefs from it. But they're few and far between. I know exercising like swimming or going to the sauna can help, but the challenge is getting there and also having to sometimes talk to strangers you definitely don't want to be talking with. I used to self medicate and dance in my garage for hours - but I don't recommend that as it just makes the next day more difficult and you repeat and you find yourself even more lost and unwell.

I am also in some decline as well and I am finding it difficult to access help. The NHS seems pretty useless when it comes to me and also the mental health charities. I travelled a few times to Nottingham to go to an ADHD support group, we shared books and advice on how to deal with our problems. I found it slightly helpful, but it was not worth the travelling. A great book on adult ADHD, full of advice and tips is 'You mean I am not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?' - I think you could even lift it form the net for free if you look.

Try healthy distraction techniques, if you like music, I think you should play it. I sometimes swear out loud and shout, I scream into a pillow and shout all the bad stuff I can think of into it and I also punch the hell out of it. I find that helps. Think back to when you were enjoying doing something, it could be anything like walking, exercising or doing a 'project' like you mentioned. Think of steps to doing that stuff that helped and rewarded you with relief, happiness and the like.

Hello Harbvix

I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through such a touch time. Thank you for being so open with the community. 

If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help. 

All the best,

ChloeMod

Same age I was diagnosed , didn't get my first job until then either

This happened to me previously and I ended up copying the message and refreshing the page and then pasting the message and posting it. I hope you get it to work! 

I keep trying to reply but they disappear when I click to send. 

I'm sorry that you are feeling so lost and are struggling to get support. I can relate to what you are describing including this feeling of being abandoned without help. I am currently struggling a lot with mental health, burn-out and food/eating- I think you have worded it perfectly, it is a "struggle with existing". I am only waiting to be assessed though, but I suspect I am autistic. 

I have a lot of issues around eating/food (which just do not seem to conform to the typical eating disorder issues. I've actually been able to understand some of the issues better since I realised I am probably autistic). Since I've not really figured out the food/eating issues yet, I'm not sure I'm the best person to give advice, but if you want to give more detail about what you are struggling with, I'm happy to listen and see if I can relate to it and if there is possibly anything that I have tried that helped me cope with it. If you are struggling with ARFID type issues, there is actually a self-help book that has recently come out which I ordered and which looks good (though I haven't properly worked through it yet)? If you want I can give you the details. I have also worked with a dietitian for a while and she is in fact the one that realised I might be autistic. 

I also agree with other's comments that it is a good idea to try and get a different GP. 

I have also found that this community is actually one of the best sources of information, resources and advice. So whilst you are waiting to get some more support from GP etc. hopefully the community here can give some comfort and advice. 

I'm sorry that I don't have any more useful advice. I hope you manage to access some more support !! 

I wonder if it might be autistic burnout, that you're just overwhelmed from the stress of being autistic in a neurotypical world.  It might also be depression.  I had burnout and depression for years which bled into each other (although the burnout was not diagnosed as I was not diagnosed autistic at the time).

Why do you think the symptoms are related to ADHD rather than autism?

Is it possible to get a new GP?  It's pot luck whether you get one who understands autism, but it might help.  They might also be able to prescribe antidepressants which might help if it's more depression than burnout, or refer you to a psychiatrist.

I'm sorry I can't be more help, I struggled for years with something similar and still do struggle to some extent.

you arent low functioning. go to your gp and get some anti depressants.